forcing it

This weekend I decided to embark on the exaulted spring ritual of convincing detatched tree limbs that it's in fact warmer and springier than they realize. So I picked up a big bunch of what I believe are probably (and somewhat ironically) Japanese Quince branches. They weren't marked, I just thought they were pretty. And considering I saw the flowers, you can extrapolate how little work I would need to put into this endeavor. Even in their little refrigerated room at the florist, they had already set a ton of buds and launched a few open. And just a few days later, I have beautiful pink blossoms adding a nice little touch of newness and rebirth in my home.

Never mind that, after several near-70 degree days in the past month, we're awaiting another late season snow/rain storm and are experiencing temperatures around 15 degrees below average this time of year. Mother Nature is confusing everything around here.

Which just goes to show you, even out of our element and under difficult conditions - with the proper care and feeding - we can still flourish, bloom, and make our own little world a more lovely place.

restart

Ok it's official: the bathroom floor is complete, round deux. And I think this one's gonna take! After being sans bathroom for the day yesterday, I returned to find a lovely new floor - with the seam between the two bath rooms in the right place - and breathed a major sigh of relief. This bathroom project has really set me back in terms of cleaning, house organization projects and my emotional stability. I am just so glad to have this almost wrapped up.

I also headed back to yoga this week. And while I'm very, very sore today I realized upon waking that my neck is no longer knotted to within an inch of its (my?) life. I've been miserable in the neck department for weeks now and threatening to return to the chiro while simultaneously hoping that the administration's economic stimulus package would provide me less-overpriced access to him. And not wanting to spend money frivously (you know, like on my health) I've been waiting.

But yoga. Oh man. My instructor ROCKS and, as usual, I found that spending a lot of time in shoulder stand really helped my neck and upper shoulders get themselves realigned again. This position is actually really easy to get into and, if you can hang out there for awhile, does wonders. According to YogaJournal.com (where I nabbed this great photo), this pose is also good to help relieve stress and mild depression, along with stimulating abdominal organs and improving digestion. No wonder I feel better! But most importantly, my head actually rotates on my neck properly again. Whew.

apéro

Several years ago, I had the glorious pleasure of adding a "just like the locals" segment to a trip to Paris: we traveled by train to Nantes in the Brittany region and stayed 4 or 5 days with friends at their family home near the beach. I say "4 or 5 days" because, honestly, it was a stretch of time riddled with jet lag recovery, deliciously cheap French wine and one day blending seamlessly into the next. Breakfast was strong coffee and the leftover baguette from the night before, toasted and covered with jam. And a fabulous thing - apéro - started around lunchtime during those lazy summer days (well it WAS August, after all).

Apéro, for all intents and purposes, is cocktail hour in France, the word sort of a simplified version of the beverage - apéritif (French) or aperitivo (Italian). In whatever form, it's another reminder of how much more social, laid back, food/beverage focused, and so very cool our European neighbors can be. Apéro is that time well before dinner is even started in the kitchen (or a path is mapped to the local restaurant) when everyone gathers around, has a tasty beverage or two, and just interacts with each other. My cousin in Switzerland calls it "closing out the day and starting the evening," a ritual for transition from the work day to social/family time. Typical drinks are champagne, Campari, pastis, sherry or maybe some ouzo if you find yourself in Greece. Little nibbly food is served, sometimes as simple as a bowl of nuts and sometimes more elaborate like cheese, crackers or maybe those cute little cocktail weinies. Personally I have been getting a LOT of mileage out of the large packages of cocktail weinies, baked off in the over for 10 minutes and served with a blob of really good dijon. It seems everyone loves these for cocktail hour. But in the end, it's all about staving off the late afternoon munchies while priming your palate and appetite for dinner. I often wish I can keep this schedule all the time.

Spring is elusive in the midwest during March and April. It pokes its head out for a few days, lulls us into that warm sunny reverie and then disappears again. We had a lovely stretch of sun filled days late last week and into the weekend culminating with one of the more gorgeous Sundays I can remember. I got out and walked 5 miles and started Sunday apéro at a local French restaurant around 3. It was fabulous.

Monday, I was inspired. Although the weather fell off to wet and gloomy, my happy hour mindset remained and I ran off to my local SuperTarget for supplies. I have been ever-impressed with SuperT and their private label food items. Two weeks ago I stumbled upon their Archer Farms Organic Sea Salt Flatbreads and couldn't believe how great they were. The ultimate in simplicity, just wonderful crackers seasonsed perfectly with big flakes of sea salt. No, it wasn't the wonderful Brittany grey salt, but one can only be so choosy without making crackers from scratch! On Monday, determined to find some great apéro nibbles before dinner, I checked on the Archer Farms selection again and found: Apple Chardonnay chicken cocktail sausages, Chipotle Honey Mustard dip and added it to a mix of their Balsamic Almonds, cashews and Craisins (those are 3 different products that I mixed myself) and some sparkling wine. A generous apéro spread; I was hoping I wouldn't ruin my appetite for dinner!

The flatbreads are perfection (and organic, no less!), the sausages were delish, low in fat and well flavored. Although I thought I'd use the Chipotle Honey Mustard for a sausage dip, I ended up preferring good ol' Maille dijon for this purpose. But the next day, I discovered that adding a little olive oil and red wine vinegar to the dip loosened it up into a nearly perfect salad dressing. Or in my case, dip for a couple of chunks of sweet apple. The Balsamic Almonds are really stellar though - the perfect combination of tangy sweet balsamic with salt...oh! So nice! And when you mix those guys with roasted cashews (my favorite) and the Craisins, you end up with a lovely, balanced blend.

My passion for the evening cocktail hour is reinvigorated. Warm days are ahead of us. And Tar-zhay can join me for apéro anyday.

recipe: bon appetit's green pea soup with tarragon

On the other hand, this sounds delish and springy, is getting good online reviews, and I'm headed to the grocery today to pick up frozen peas. So there.

(As an aside, the April issue of Bon Appétit is chocked full of amazing sounding things. My copy is groaning under the weight of the 17 dog eared corners and I'm not even done going through it yet. Some of those ears are marking: Pasta with Peas, Asparagus, Butter Lettuce and Prosciutto; a Rose Margarita from Stack in Las Vegas; Chocolate-Dipped Frozen Banana Bites; Five-Spice Roast Chicken with Ginger-Scented Rice; Gougères; the entire pizza and prosecco party feature...and so very many more.)

recipe: smitten kitchen's cream cheese pound cake

I think the universe is mocking me for giving up cheese this month. It's just a month, people! I can make it! And until then, I'll be dreaming about versions of this.

controlled chaos?

For those of you who aren't familiar with this rather unproductive, panic-inducing method of cleaning, a.k.a "A.D.D. Cleaning," you will find the process below to be entirely counter the advice given by experts on such matters. Behold:

1. take all contents of bathroom cabinets out, spread along dining room table and living room floor. earnestly begin the process of separating out what needs to be combined (lotions, hand soap), donated (unopened samples of god only knows what), and tossed. make progress but become overwhelmed when lipgloss and eyeshadow depths are understood. take 2 days off.
2. reinvigorated by a weekend guest's pending arrival, reduce and sort bathroom goodies into well labeled boxes, similar things together (much as experts would advise).
3. brew batch of iced Passion tea. leave to cool on counter.
4. realize must unload dishwasher, do so. reload while here and handwash a couple of items.
5. remember came to kitchen in the first place to ... what was it again?...
6. start much needed loads of laundry. fold and hang clean clothes - leave in utility room.
7. change air filter, god, when was the last time...?
8. magazine-induced anxiety strikes. sit on floor with cup of tea and weed through first stack. back hurts, must move again. leave piles.
9. put next load in dryer and look intently at the area where the dryer filter goes. gross. grab chopsticks and pull out random lint that doesn't stay in the filter.
10. take on clothes closet, as clearly must make room for clean clothes. start another big pile of clothes that really. must. just. go. dust surfaces, realize that some dust isn't coming out without vacuum attachment.
11. hmm. vacuum quite dirty and clogged-looking from drywall dust and abuse from contractors. take filter part apart (thank gods repeatedly for Dyson), and bang out all of the icky stuff. multi-use chopsticks grab most of the leftover gunk. need dental scraper pokey thing to push the remaining clogs out. satisfied...
12. ...switch loads...
13. hang boots and put shoes back into nice storage boxes. will vacuum hallway when back and forth is done, which is convenient as vacuum still sitting here.
14. put bathroom towels away in newly cleaned shelf area. pretty. remember artwork sitting in hallway from painting, rehang.
15. return to closet. vacuum and then clean floor with lovely Caldrea Basil Blue Sage All-Purpose cleaner. take large bag of to-be-donated to utility room intending to add more as stuff comes out of the dryer. feeling particularly ruthless now.
16. start attacking entry closet and decide to part with 1 winter coat and will hang others in main closet for the season. but need to wash coats first. clean out pockets of random change and tissues, toss into utility room. difficult to pass through here again, but return to pulling clean clothes, towels, etc and putting them away.
17. stop to blog
18. realize starving, haven't eaten since rice krispies at 11:30am. think about making pasta for dinner...

So you can see where this is going. But I'm so used to my horribly bad habits that I'm actually feeling really good about everything. Each project (magazine recycle, closet clean out & clean up, laundry, put laundry away [yes, for me, this is a separate project entirely], bathroom/toiletry reduction, etc) is underway and each is at a differing level of doneness. But each will get done between now and when my girlfriend arrives tomorrow. And I can already taste the sweet satisfaction of my tidy, pretty home...which, now that I've had a little sit, I'm energized to attack once again.

...now, why did I come back into the kitchen...?

review: Green Clean & recipe

In my ongoing research for safe, effective and yes, natural ways to clean my home, I found a book at the library (love the library - how thrifty AND green!?) called Green Clean: The Environmentally Sound Guide to Cleaning Your Home and found it intriguing enough to pick up. First, the form factor: an eco-friendly book printed on a non-recycled paper?! Whaaaa? Well yeah. It's actually printed on a synthetic paper that makes it waterproof, stainproof and therefore infinitely durable. It's also resistant to tearing (shhh, yes, I checked). It's called a DuraBook™ in fact, which seams to suit the material perfectly. I like this concept quite a lot, particularly considering the abuse softcover books tend to take in library environments. Long live the library!

Anyway, I found the book to be a straightforward, helpful guide. There was some excellent reference and educational information, some basic housecleaning tips turned green, and lots of recipes. This probably isn't a book for an already-educated, hard core green household, but an excellent starting point if you're just beginning this phase in your life. And, as the book describes, you can just store it right in your cleaning bucket next to your products. It won't fall apart under the pressure!

Here's a recipe I'm going to try...(directly quoting from the book)

Vinegar of the Four Theives
Legend has it that grave robbers during a plague outbreak rubbed this on themselves to prevent illness.

2 quarts organic apple cider vinegar
Small handfuls of dried lavendar, rosemary, sage, rue, mint
Large jar (about 2 quarts) with a screw-top lid

Mix all ingredients in a jar and cover tightly. Let sit for at least four weeks and strain out the herbs. Pour into a spray bottle. Spray anywhere that's ripe for germs - such as places where lots of hands have touched, or in a sick room.

going blue

In combined fit of guilt for watching Biggest Loser while drinking wine, and wanting a good solid kick start to getting my health and wellness back on track, last night I committed to a girlfriend to avoid meat and all but nonfat dairy for a month. Starting today. No sense drawing out the anticipation, as god knows where that kind of craziness can lead. She and I are both locked in.

For me, this means I'll be testing the edges of a mostly-vegetarian diet that I've been wondering about for awhile. As I've mentioned before, the more I learn about the care, feeding and upbringing of the animals that make up our diets, the less I've been interested in eating them. I'm not going - ahem - whole hog here, though. I don't see myself ever giving up milk, cheese, eggs, etc. But to aid the progress on my scale and to address my friend's recent bloodwork results, we thought that eliminating most of the animal fat would be good. She's keeping chicken and turkey; I'm not. I'm keeping eggs. We're both keeping fish. Regardless of how you mix and match, this should push us toward lean, healthy proteins, less cholesterol, and good fats.

Twice last week, I found myself intrigued by a book called The Blue Zones: Lessons for Living Longer From the People Who've Lived the Longest which talks about the common elements in the diet and lifestyle choices of folks who live well and long in certain areas of the world. And there are common elements, whether in Okinawa, Costa Rica, California or Sardinia, ideals such as physical activity, grain-laden vegetable-based diets, rich social lives and low stress. Huh. Makes a hell of a lot of sense, no. I've done a lot of studying about anti-oxident rich and anti-inflammatory diets (as in, way of eating, not weight loss regimen) and they're awfully similar in nature. But I really like the way the book addresses your outlook and the tribe of people you hang out with as part of the assessment. It does matter how you are wired and how you handle stress. It matters who you surround yourself with. Feels right to me.

I wondered how well I was doing. I haven't had my cholesterol checked in awhile and I know my yo-yo weight over the past 2.5 years won't have helped. So I went to the Blue Zone website and checked out their Vitality Compass. I had to sign up for a free account with them to proceed, naturally. But it took 3 seconds and only required my name, zip code, a user name, password and my email address. Pretty straightforward. Then I took the quick little quiz about my habits around eating, exercise, drinking and social interaction, height/weight, etc and it churned out my age, life expectancy, disease-free live expectancy, and how my habits have affected my biological age. Oh, and the fact that I could add another 8.5 years to my life if I changed a few things. Here we go:

• Biological age - 35.4 years (real age: 37.4)
• Life expectancy - 86 years
• Disease-free life expectancy - 75.2 years
• My habits have added 3.8 years to my life expectancy
• I could add another 8.5

Then the system churned out a little report. My key issues are around my Outlook area: I've been worried, tense and anxious lately and I felt better about my health a year ago. No big shocker there. 20 lbs lost and then regained will do that to a girl. In my Eat area, I don't eat a lot of whole grains and I enjoy my wine too much. I have a wheat allergy which takes out all but my most favorite bread products and the rice I eat is primarily white. Hmm, need to work on that. The wine is a no brainer. In my Move area, I get a pretty decent amount of short-spurt movement (20 mins), but not a lot of sustained movement (60 mins). Easy to fix with some springtime walks. I probably sleep too much with my 8-10 hours a day, but I think this is related to my stress/outlook issues and will likely right itself when I start getting more movement into my day. In my Belong area, I don't have a regular outlet for spirituality and I'm not satisfied with my work today.

All of these make sense to me and yes, I realize it's simply an online tool that doesn't take into consideration my family health history, the crappy economy, etc but it's a pretty decent down & dirty litmus test. And apparently they're now testing a Vitality Coach program: for $9.99 they'll start with your initial results, ask you to pick 3 things you'd like to work on in the next 60 days, and then send you notes each day. Based on your responses to the questions in these notes, they'll adjust the plan as needed. I'm totally intrigued! For now, I'm searhing the library for the book so I can check it out. Can't wait to read this and feel good about my meat-reduced ways this month!

happy green day!

I found an Irish proverb that roughly translates to "Your feet will bring you to where your heart is." I like that, it speaks to me. Sort of lines up with my thinking these days: first, you are where you are, no sense fretting about it. Second, you are completely in control of the choices that take you forward - towards happiness, health, prosperity, whatever. Likewise, you're also in control of the choices that take you towards discontent - in whatever form it manifests itself. It's a frustrating truth. But it's one of which I repeatedly remind myself. Giving away my happiness to someone or something outside of my own little locus of control has never worked well for me. I try very hard to set my heart on a path of positivity, gratitude and well being even when my situation and surroundings may be conspiring to dirty my rose colored glasses. Particularly, especially, specifically when things around me aren't what I'd consider optimal.

The next step is to will my feet into action - taking those steps down the path to where my heart is. Certainly this is a more difficult task if the first portion of the exercise isn't successful. For me, this is a constant struggle but also a choice that I make each day when I get up. Does that mean I'm happy and upbeat each day? Emphatic no. I flounder around, unsettled and unaware for days sometimes. But setting these intentions in front of me reminds me of my goals and gives me yet another opportunity to choose a path towards my own version of happiness.

Your path is paved with your own goals, intentions, dreams. What are they? Are your actions today leading you closer or further away from your heart? What kinds of reminders or signposts help keep you on the path and moving forward? From where do you seek inspiration? Strength? Guidance?

I have found these signposts in so many places, small and large. Sometimes it's enough for me to read an inspiring piece about a clutter free bathroom and my happy cleaning side kicks in. Or taking a walk and stretching my legs helps motivate me toward another walk, and a more sensible dinner that night. The effect is undoubtedly cumulative, as well. Once you start paying attention to and caring for one facet of your life, the snowball starts rolling. I love this part!

My path has a few milestones, sure. But taking away hard numbers or dates or destinations, I can see my path having some common themes. For me, they are:

• a revived attention to the well-being of myself and our planet
• physical activity and strength
• a peaceful, organized home
• simplicity in more areas of my life
• having enough money to be comfortable
• work that fuels my creativity and passions

I figure, focus on the big concepts and take the steps down to bite sized pieces. Otherwise it's all too overwhelming. Deep breath, take a step. Deep breath, one more step. Next thing you know, another signpost is in sight.

So on that note - Slainte! to all and enjoy the wearing o' the green today. Much to celebrate in our world!

boo moo

Last night I was watching an episode of that crazy Food Network show "Will Work For Food" and the host, Adam, turned into a 19th century cook for a day. One of his tasks was to milk the cows and, although not strictly relegated to an 1830's to do list, it's something I've never experienced before. They went on to skim the heavy cream from the milk and - catch this - throw the skimmed milk into the pig's trough. Apparently milk was treated more as a means to a food-related end, and they'd really only use it for the cream and then to make butter. Skim milk wasn't drunk as a beverage and perhaps wasn't even fit for human consumption. Huh.

Like most kids, I grew up on 2% milk. As I got into high school, we started veering towards 1% but my mom couldn't get her head around skim. My girlfriends drank it and peer pressure be damned, 20 years later I'm still drinking skim milk. When I went through my first naturopathic detox (as opposed to court-ordered, that is), cutting out dairy was imperative. I started really enjoying almond milk. I never liked soy milk so having a dairy alternative that I could actually stomach on my corn flakes was a new idea for me. (Note: I have yet to get excited about an ice cold glass of plain almond milk, however.) Since I leanred too much years ago about hormones and antibiotics given to dairy cows, I decided that if I am going to drink milk, I'm going to suck up the $5.39 a gallon and buy organic. Two plus years later, I'm still skipping back and forth between my almond milk and organic skim cow's milk. Which, I think, is where the trouble began.

A handful of times now, I've picked up ultrapasteurized organic milk. I understand the concept: because there isn't so much "stuff" in the milk, they need to take a few extra steps to ensure they don't go around getting their customers sick. Talk about bad PR. But you know how cheese in Europe tastes so much better than cheese here? Other than the accompanying wine and the amazing views? Well, it's because they use unpasteurized milk to start. Heating the be-jeezus out of the milk, while customer-friendly and germ-unfriendly, really takes the heart out of the end product. And this from a girl who only knows pasteurized milk! But it simply doesn't taste very good when it's been cooked til within an inch of its life. And the organic regularly pasteurized keeps going bad in my fridge after about 4 days.

So what's a girl to do? If I buy organic pasteurized, it goes bad faster than I can consume it. Waste of money. If I buy conventional, I'm worried about what I'm ingesting. I might as well go back to almonds; I know what's in those. And if I buy organic ultrapasteurized, it simply tastes terrible. The national brands aren't great; the local brands don't seem to be much better. But milk it good for you! It has lots of great stuff in it! I feel trapped.

"Talk about being a long way from our food," the budding locavore in me sighs deeply. And one can only wonder what milk tasted like back before we started doing all of these crazy things to it. I'm taking this down to the farmer's market and asking some questions. Because I know there must be a better solution that doesn't require me giving up my nutrition, good taste and money...because all of those things are incredibly valuable to me. Maybe there's just some sweet local cow that roams the meadowside, munching on grass, that can help me understand what milk is even supposed to taste like these days. And maybe some smart producer will realize that some people live alone and need a smaller-than-half-gallon option for organic milk. In the meantime, I'll give up the hot cocoas and tall glasses of moo juice with a cookie. I can wait.

spring fling

Amazing. Two days of hovering-around-zero temps earlier this week and tomorrow it's going to be high 40's. All together now, folks: only in Minnesota! But I feel a little more confident looking at the weather report for the next 10 days that perhaps spring has - finally - sprung. And I am so ready.

This week has been overwhelmed by my as-yet-developing bathroom redo. My beautiful new Marmoleum flooring has some sort of issue and at least 1/2 of it will have to be torn out (again) and reinstalled (again). This also means a minimum of another entire day without a bathroom...in about 10 days when the flooring arrives. I still have all the under-cabinet boxes and buckets in the middle of my living room! It's a pain, to say the least. But I figure, if I'm going to go through all of this, I certainly want it done right!

On the upside, the new paint started going on yesterday and the color is exquisite. It's a deep grapey plum color that brings a fair amount of sophistication and swank to my loo! But I think it's going to make me want to reconsider some of the decor in there. I also had the contractor pull out a completely irrelevant towel bar, providing another expanse of wall space that I didn't have before. I'm starting to think about ways to use that space...

But here's the fun part: I've decided that once the drywall dust and flooring adhesive settles, I'm going to sort of redecorate my entire loft. By that I mean the little touches, the little decor items that are in each room. I'm going to pull everything out that makes sense (as in, not the bedside lamps which can only really go right there) and put it all on the dining room table. I'm going to add the items that have been in storage for the past 3 years. And then I'm going to start fresh. Decide what each room needs, pull from my stash and repurpose everything that should be repurposed. Then, when I see what I have left to deal with, I'll fill in the blanks from my favorite vintage shops, thrift stores and maybe even a little trip to IKEA and Target to round things out. I'm excited to re-look at everything with new eyes and put things together in new ways. And for as little cash as possible! BONUS!

Of course, as I do each room, I'm going to give it the spring cleaning and purging of its life. After it's all redecorated and cleaned to a high shine, the rest of this stuff is going to the Goodwill. This spring cleaning is going to be intense. I can't wait for the feeling of a fresh start!

gloom rx

Today is one of those late winter days in the Midwest when we wonder, truly, will spring ever come? We've had 2 straight days of overcast, foggy, spitting gloom from the sky...and a promise of snow today. I don't think we'll be anywhere near the 10-15 inches they're predicting for northern MN but still. I don't want to think about snow at all. I want to think about cute open-toed sandals and sitting on my deck with the sun on my face, drinking my morning tea.

So I'm improvising. Because sometimes you've just gotta fake it until you make it. Lots of warm light around the loft this morning - some plain basic candles in strategic spots. Some wonderfully nummy scented candles, like my favorite Votivo Deep Clover, adding a little dimension to the flat day. Upbeat music. Freshly juiced orange juice. Crossing fingers...

These candles rock although, forgive me, they're not overly green. They're made of a really high quality parafin wax (meaning super long burn time) and they do have a nice papercore wick, so that's a plus. The end product is a beautifully handmade, hand packaged little lovely. They are incredibly scented and I've found that Deep Clover will actually remove any funky odor from your home - fish cooked in olive oil, cake overflowed onto oven floor, what have you - it just seems to eat the unwanted scent. I burn these very judiciously because they're not cheap; but at times, they're just what the doctor ordered.

PS - for those that have been eagerly awaiting the much more eco-friendly soy candles that I've been pimping for years, hang in there just a little longer. We're close to an assortment breakthrough that I think will make everyone happy! More to come!)

series: personal branding, starting out

In the past week, I have been reminded several times of the importance of a personal brand - the individual, identifiable face we put out to the world - in our everyday lives. Things are changing all around us. Things are changing in our checking accounts, our retirement balances, how we make our living. Things changing that much would be enough to send the most secure, introspective person into bed for a week with the covers over her head. Crafting, or really documenting, our own statement about who we are and what we stand for can bring some real clarity. And the truth? It's already in each one of us. Even if it's hidden deep beneath all of those notions about "what I should do," "who I thought I would be," "what used to be passionate about before I simply ran out of time, " it is really, truly, positively already inside us. Sometimes we just need to help it out.

Many people are being sort of forced to self-evaluate due to job loss. I've SO been there over the years, and I know many people I know are in this mode now. To even start thinking about what do I want to do now? is incredibly overwhelming. My answer to so many of these fork-in-the-road life challenges is to research, read, ask people to share their experiences and ask people who do this kind of thing for a living. And I really tend to put a lot of faith and attention towards those who are outwardly living their values. When you meet them, you just know. It's almost electric just being around them or reading their words.

About 3 years ago, I went through my 2nd layoff. I took a year off and did a lot of navel gazing. I thought about the values and beliefs I had deep under the façade of my job, my title, my paycheck. When I could take that GIANT step back and gain some perspective, a few things really stood out for me. I knew - really knew this time - that getting back on the corporate roller coaster wasn't going to work. I constantly felt like a square peg in a round hole. Would you have been able to tell that about me at the time? No. I did my best to put my work face on and go in each day determined to do my best. Even if I wasn't doing what was best for me. I look back now at some of the work situations I allowed myself to get into and realize that I was doing the direct opposite of being authentic. I let others define the role I would play in my work life and, quite frankly, bought into the entire program. Led by false values – title, perceived status, money – I made career decisions that didn’t really fit who I was. And that took me off course. I set my own dreams and aspirations aside. Well, no more.

So how do you start figuring out your own authentic values, your personal mission statement, your brand? Here’s what I’d recommend:

• Do your own self-inventory and exploration. Get a great journal and a nice pen that feels good in your hand. Be consistent about using them both; you’ll have to set aside time to really do this.
• Get inspired. Read books and magazines like the ones listed below. Watch motivational movies. Watch Oprah! Do whatever it takes to get your head into a positive, uplifted, and open place.
• Don’t try to cram it all in at once. If you get a book to work through or just wing it on your own (or even with my guidance), don’t muscle through it with the idea that you’re going to quickly resolve things. It just doesn’t work that way.
• Be patient with yourself. Not every day is a day of significant insight. Leave that pressure to the Nobel prize winners of the world.
• Start with gratitude. One of the first things that I recommend is to take that notebook and about 3 pages from the end, start a gratitude list. Write down 100 things you’re thankful for in your life. You probably won’t crank it all out in one sitting but make sure you do finish it.
• THEN, dig in to the exercises that will help you put a finer point on your personal brand. I'll be pulling together some of these and posting here if you're interested.

A few resources I love:
Oprah's website and magazine and tv show, of course. Lots of great content on living authentically, simply, honestly...in your truth. A definite idol for me.
PINK website and magazine. Good insights for working women...and what woman really isn't working?
Make a Name for Yourself: Eight Steps Every Woman Needs to Create a Personal Brand Strategy for Success
Finding Your Own North Star: Claiming the Life You Were Meant to Live - another wonderful idol
The E-Myth Revisited: Why Most Small Businesses Don't Work and What to Do About It - this one is wonderful if you've ever considered going out on your own, but I also found it to be a great resource for the "finding myself" process even when I worked for others.

sparkly

About a 100 years ago, I was one of those avid "I make my own home cleaning products" dorks mostly because I really wanted things that smelled pretty. I can't say that I was driven to reduce the toxic chemicals in my home; there really wasn't any decent smelling products on the market at the time. The nontoxic, earth friendly versions weren't widely available and cost too much. Of course, since then we've undergone an evolution in home cleaning.

Favorite brands like Caldrea and Mrs. Meyer's have wrapped my home in yummy goodness for years now. Seventh Generation, Ecover and other less mainstream brands have become commonplace in Target and Walgreens. All good things. Best yet, I feel like my skin doesn't suffer as much when I use good stuff in the cleaning water or in the laundry. But I've always reverted to basic Windex to clean so much of my bathroom and kitchen since it really just does such a good job of dealing with every kind of sticky, greasy, icky mess. With no streaks! Well I won't say that I've found a really great alternative for that yet, but it's only because I haven't really tried. Lately, in an effort to be cost-conscious while getting greener (which sometimes seems like two opposing efforts), I decided to try making some of my basic household cleaners once again. If you'll forgive me the pun, I've been scouring around the web and other resources to find the best formulas out there.

If you haven't gotten my joke yet, I tend not to just put a pile of links or whatever on this blog. I really try to give you recipes, resources, books, lipgloss, etc that I've already tried and can feel good about recommending. Of course, sometimes I'm yearning for something I haven't actually used yet, but I believe in adding value to this process. Any fool can post a bunch of links. On the other hand, sometimes things just speak to a person and a list of resources can be a great way to quiet an inquisitive mind or kill a good 20 minutes of office time. Whatever moves you. So there will be a list of more links and resources coming at you once I have a chance to check them out and give them the Trixie Stamp of Goodness.

In my chilly day funk, I decided that a bath, some candles and a nice green tea were in order. So, in a slight bastardization of a recipe from The Naturally Clean Home, I just mixed up a little scrub for the tub consisting of 1 part castille soap (I used Dr. Bronner's tea tree scent), 2 parts baking soda and one ground Vitamin C tablet for every 1/4 c baking soda. I smooshed it all together in a travel sized squeeze tube I picked up at Target the other day and I gave the tub a quick shine. I also tried out a 100% biodegradable sponge that I had picked up last fall. It's from Twist and made of a material that will completely biodegrade. And how cute is this: they've designed the cardboard sleeve that held my Euro Sponge to turn into a bird feeder with a little crafty effort. How can you not love a fun product like this?

Well, it certainly helped quickly remove 2 weeks of bathroom remodeling deritus and smelled delish. And I'm not at all worried about whether or not I rinsed every gritty bit out of the tub...a considerably different experience from when I use Soft Scrub with Bleach! I very well may need to keep that bleach product handy for other purposes but I'm guessing that with a little more research, I can come up with a perfectly fitting replacement for just about every task in the house.

I'm working to use up what I have first so this won't be a wholesale switch. But I'm having fun adding the tools of the naturally clean trade to my loft. My goal: spring cleaning this year using at least 80% natural products. For now, if you'll excuse me, I have a nice warm bath waiting for me.

seedy business

Everyone's talking food these days. Eating better, eating at home, eating cheaper. Mark Bittman recently posted a small piece about growing garden-like items from seed and got a number of really great comments. According to the USA Today, seed sales are already cranking for the year, signaling a return to homegrown and thrifty. I get caught up in this condundrum: I love the concept of growing things but never seem to conjure up the dedication to keep said green things properly fed and watered throughout the summer. I set out with the best intentions and then things just fall miserably by the wayside. Nine of the last 10 summers have started off with me buying little pots of herbs and tomatoes to grow. I totally skipped last summer because I couldn't deal with the guilt. Now traveling 3 weeks out of each month probably contributed to my gardening lethargy, so perhaps life will be different now?

My mom keeps a large vegetable garden, as she has each year since that same plot of dirt was turned and planted by her father. We have a ritual each year that it's my job to taste the very first cherry tomato of the season, thus promising us a bountiful harvest. Or something like that. And in the last 8 or so years, she's started composting which has helped us both by turning out rich soil (really good for pot planting if, like me, you don't have a garden) and by absorbing the scraps which are an inherent part of being a good green girl. But even her passion wanes over the summer. By the time I'm all wound up about having fresh basil and tomatoes, she's over all the weeding and picking that needs to happen daily. Somehow this year, we have to do better together. Otherwise those farmer's market bushels of tomatoes are coming home with me again for fresh tomato sauce...and that just seems dumb!

Yes, I'm a city dweller so don't exactly have the perfect growing conditions at the loft. But truth be told, I have some SERIOUS sunshine available on my deck. I have direct light from about 9am in the summer until about 7pm. This is both a blessing and a pain as with direct sun in that duration comes fried out, dried up green things. You really have to water each and every day. (Last year was a successful year with cacti and succulents, if I may say so myself.) But this year, I want green things to eat. I can do a lot with the downtown farmer's market being just blocks away, and with my mom's garden 3 miles north. What I really want is herbs here, at my fingertips.

So I'm going to start a little research. I have no interest in, nor space for, those stupid greenhouse lights so I am not sure if I have the right conditions to start things from seed. But they're so damned cheap that I'm definitely going to look into it. Right now, the $2.99 per package of fresh herbs is killing my sensibilities. I won't live without the fantastic flavors, so I've gotta figure something else out. Will report further...

recipe: the new birthday cake

This recipe was adapted from the Beatty's Chocolate Cake in the Barefoot Contessa at Home cookbook. I decided to give it a slightly Mexican twist and to kick the coffee flavor up. It doesn't end up tasting tremendously coffee-y or cinnamon-y. Just super rich and decadent without being overly sweet. A great grown up birthday cake.

And I just messed around with a fairly basic cream cheese buttercream frosting to go along with it.
This is one of those places that I believe in sticking with the very best ingredients. You won't be disappointed.

Cake:

butter for greasing the pans
1 3/4c all purpose flour, plus more for the pans
2 c sugar
3/4 good cocoa powder
2 t baking soda
1 t baking powder
1 t kosher salt
1-2 t good cinnamon - I like Penzey's Vietnamese for this
1 c buttermilk, shaken
1/2 c vegetable oil
2 extra large eggs, at room temperature - or 2 large eggs + 1 extra yolk
1 t+ pure vanilla extract (I used the paste here, probably about 1 1/2 t)
1 c freshly brewed hot coffee
1 t+ espresso powder (dissolved in coffee)

This is so easy. Preheat oven to 350. Butter two 9" round cake pans (the recipe calls for 8" but I swear to you, after two go-rounds with this cake blowing up into my oven, I think either you have to have very tall 8" pans or just step up to 9" and call it a day), then add a circle of parchment to the bottom of the pan to fit. Butter the parchment, and flour the insides of both pans.

Sift all the dry ingredients together: flour, sugar, cocoa, baking soda & powder, salt and cinnamon. Pay attention to what's left in your sifter or strainer, as I almost lost all of my salt this way! Pour the dry ingredients into your mixing bowl, using the paddle attachment.

In a separate bowl, combine: buttermilk, oil, eggs and vanilla. With the mixer on slow speed, gently add the wet ingredients. With the mixer still on low, add the coffee and stir just to combine, scraping the bottom with a rubber spatula as you go. Taste the batter here and decide if you need more cinnamon or salt. (Or if you just want to sit down with the bowl and a big spoon.)

Batter in pans. Pans in oven for somewhere between 30-40 minutes. Toothpick will come out clean and center will be set. Now, be patient because this cake is super moist. Let the layers cool in the pans for 30 minutes; then turn them out onto the cooling rack and cool the rest of the way. If you don't frost the same day, wrap each cooled layer well with plastic wrap and leave on the counter. Heck, I think you could freeze them at this point too.

Frosting :
2 - 8oz pkg cream cheese (low-fat works fine); room temp
1 1/3 stick butter; room temp
4 t vanilla (I did half with the vanilla paste and half with vanilla extract to get the little black flecks in my frosting)
4 c (approx) powdered sugar
pinch kosher salt

This comes together best by sight/taste. You may not need all of the vanilla, or you may want more if you're looking for a sweeter flavor. I think somewhere around 4 c of powdered sugar works well but you may adjust that as you go too.

Start by creaming together the cream cheese and butter. Add vanilla. Slowly add powdered sugar about 1/2 c at a time. If it gets too thick, you can always add a tablespoon of cream or milk.

Frost the cake:
I strongly suggest crumb coating the layers first or you'll have a mess on your hands. Put the first layer on your cake plate and slide 2" strips of parchment under the edges all the way around; you'll remove these later and have a lot less frosting to clean off the plate. Add a good cup or so of frosting to the middle and smooth it out. Don't worry if the excess drips off the edge. In fact, it's almost better if some does squoosh out.

Add the second layer on top. Then add about 1/4 of the remaining frosting to the top. You're looking for a thin layer - just enough to coat and lock the crumbs down. When you go back to frost it, you don't want ANY chocolatey pieces coming into play. Just nice frosting.

Chill the cake and the remaining frosting for about 20 minutes here. Keep an eye on the frosting though so it doesn't get too thick. You may have to pull it out before the cake.

Then frost - be generous on the top and let the stuff goo down the sides of the cake. Add more to the sides and do whatever you do to straighten out the edges and put a nice finish on the top. Again, chill for at least 20-30 minutes after frosting, up to a few hours. Remove the parchment strips and tidy up the plate with a damp paper towel. Then back into the fridge if necessary. If you do leave it chilled for more than an hour or so, give it 10-15 minutes to come up to room temp before you try to cut it.

(Cake also works out perfectly as cupcakes; pipe the tops with a thick ribbon of frosting and sprinkle with some of that clear edible glitter for a beautiful finish.)

swallow it down

Many of you know that there was a day in the not-so-distant past when I put a ton of time and energy into starting a business. A retail business focusing on natural and organic bath, body and cosmetics. However, due to many contributing factors, that business never came to be. I have, however, harbored a lot of passion and attraction for this type of business. I really wish I could have done it three years back!

Which is why I'm both SUPER excited and not just a little jealous to tell others about a new retailer on the prowl. Housed in the still relatively new Ecotique on Grand Ave (right by the Lexington-end Caribou Coffee and the cutest little shoe shop called Shu), the Nature of Beauty has recently opened its doors. They're featuring cosmetics, skin care, hair care, baby and a number of other categories of product culled together with a firm adherence to some simple values: no bad for you ingredients, no animal testing, and a wonderful operational policy that keeps them greener than green. Primarily an e-tailer, they have an outpost in Ecotique - a great concept that allows for some physical presence without having to staff or stock an entire store. I won't say I didn't consider that very idea myself! It's a great way for a startup particularly to get going, economically and greenly (hmm, now I'm making up words too). I think it makes such sense for retailers to combine efforts when they can. Collaboration is my middle name!

I share this with you for a couple of reasons. One, I have a undying love for entrepreneurs, particularly women, and want to support their efforts. Sure, there are other places to buy these types of products but why not support the our local chicks if we can? Two, I can't help but support the foray into green business. This is the wave of our future and I'm BIG on it. Three, I'm all about providing information...and if that information just happens to intersect with someone getting their hands on a great new lipgloss, well, that is the burden I must carry.

Speaking of, I am dying to try this product: Lip Delivery Nutritional from Intelligent Nutrients. You remember our friend Horst? After divesting himself of the salons and the Aveda brand, he's still busy making fantastic products right here in MN. This one looks particularly num and, as the site alludes, when you think about how much lippie we consume (ick-worthy, yes, but where on earth did you think your lipgloss was running off to?), it makes an awful lot of sense to ensure it's made of things that won't do harm.

If that's not enough, there are a ton of resources to be found within their site. Check out the Press page, and blog. Thanks NOB! Can't wait to give this fresh sprout the ol' college try.