take care of you

When you're on an airplane, they always tell you: if the oxygen mask drops, put yours on first before helping others. We understand the issue here - if we can't breathe, we can't help. The "duh" factor is high.

Which makes the considerations I took out of out of my week of "Unapologetic Self-Care" and the self-care retreat that I attended on Thursday rather pronounced for me. First, a bit of a recap:

The workshop I participated in was filled with women of all ages (roughly 25-80) and in various states of wellness. Two, including one instructor, were cancer survivors; one has Stage 4 breast cancer and is going through chemo. One young lady has Crohn's disease, she was joined by her 2 sisters. One older woman is living with her husband's dementia; another lost her husband 3 years ago. Two women were in major personal/career transitions - one had just parlayed her love for her teaching career and Theology into a new PhD and a new career; the other recently retired and is interested in figuring out what she wants to do next (how great is that?). I was humbled by their braveness. And their insight - these ladies all knew that self-care should be on their radar, even if just by signing up for the retreat. We all had stressors to leave at the door.

The retreat itself was lovely. This wasn't a fancy spa or a time of indulgent, expensive pampering. We were in the basement of a former convent surrounded by healing practitioners, a library full of books and instructors who wanted to instill upon us the importance of taking care of ourselves. They created a simple, comfortable environment, walked us through an introduction to many concepts and techniques, and sent us away with some affirmations to try as well as a little marigold to grow. Lovely.

We explored a bit about how our mental attitudes and preconceptions impact our decisions around caring for ourselves. We talked about warning signals that stress sends (physical, emotional, behavioral, cognitive) and a basic roadmap to coping and problem solving. We had a 30 minute yoga class and started talking a bit about energy healing. We ran out of time which meant that a few things got dropped off the schedule, and unfortunately I think we missed out on a couple of potentially great lessons...but perhaps next time. And we got to connect and share with the other women in our group - uncomfortable at first, but once you start talking it's always such a great experience to hear that others have similar experiences or reactions or challenges. Overall, we were given a lot to think about and much inspiration to go on and learn more together or on our own. Definitely worth the price of admission.

And I got what I wanted out of my time there - inspiration and some renewed energy toward this "take care of myself" concept that I'd been intuitively sorting through. What I learned here:

• Take care of your health while you have it: Since many of these women were having their well-being challenged through illness, death and even growth, it was obvious how important it is to build up not only our health but our healthful practices when times are good. Just as pregnancy may not be a great time to start hitting the gym, developing these habits today will help support us down the road. There are many sub-lessons that go along with facing women in these situations: be grateful, stop making excuses, stop feeling sorry for yourself, stop ignoring spirituality, basically - lean into life, even the tough stuff.
• Don't underestimate the power of community: The woman facing Stage 4 cancer doesn't have a personal support group. Girlfriends. How could this be? The one that survived cancer (twice) and lost her husband found that her circle couldn't support her through those challenges. One of her key stressors, in addition to worrying about money, is aloneness. Again how can it be that in a society such as ours these bright, brave women wouldn't have a thoughtful friend or two they could lean on? So many studies, books, even our own personal experiences tell us how important it is to have a circle of friends. Not every friend "gives" us the same thing as every other. Some are "soul friends" - a term I learned this week - those that we connect with at a deeper level, those that we will likely keep with us til our end. Some are people who find their way into our lives for a reason - something to teach, something to learn, an experience to cherish - even if they may fade out of our life again. So, build your circle and build it well. These people will quite literally make your life.

I left this event inspired to create a retreat like this for those in my personal and professional circle. This group has nailed down how to support women who are living with health crises. I want to reach out to other kinds of women - those in other times of growth and learning. Other transitions that touch our lives. Can't you look back and see how interesting something like this might have been when we were 25? Or following divorce or a job layoff? The language changes, the lessons get more specific but the underlying message is there: know who you are, know who supports you best, take care of you. We aren't as strong and big as we could be in our lives unless we ensure our health and well-being needs are met first. Now, if we could just make that as plain as the symbols on the emergency card in your seatback pocket...

self-care, the workshop

In honor of my "Unapologetic Self-Care Week," I signed myself up to attend a fabulous looking retreat. Well Within, a local nonprofit holistic wellness center, has put together a full day of learning self-care techniques in order to restore balance. Very cool indeed!

I have been doing yoga fairly regularly for the past 5 years, but unsurprisingly, it's one of the first thing that goes when LIFE interferes. Which makes absolutely no sense because it can also be the one thing to keep me glued together. I figured I could use more tools like this.

The Well Within brochure describes the retreat as an introduction to a variety of techniques which could be used for self-care in our everyday lives. I am already bought in on yoga but I'm also interested in getting a little head's up about meditation, healing touch, guided imagery and mindfulness. All of these resonate with my approach to wellness; and there's no doubt elevating self-care activities (as in, we need ACTION here) will give me more tools in my toolbox for when times aren't so predictable and stable.

Cami Smalley, program director and wellness coach (and personal trainer!) told me to expect some light stretching so to dress comfortably and in layers. They'll provide food and I am bringing my favorite journal and pen. This I can do. And in the meantime, I'm working through my own week of self-care with learning, moving, thinking, sharing. I can't imagine a better way to find my center ground again.

Well Within describes balance as:

• Balance
• Awareness
• Laughter
• Awake
• Nurture
• Create
• Explore

EXACTLY what I need; can't wait to report back on Friday.

If you're interested in the retreat - either this week at Well Within or to bring the event to your own community - get in touch with the delightful Cami by calling 651.308.2763. Check it out online at: www.wellwithin.org

the role of self-care in your personal brand

You know how this vicious cycle goes: get stressed, fall behind, stop taking care of yourself, sleep horribly, feel icky, fall off wellness wagon, lose patience with loved ones, miss a deadline, throw a muscle in your back...etc etc...next thing you know, you're immobilized on the couch in your least-restrictive fitting yoga pants, with mac & cheese and TIVOed reruns of Law & Order SVU, and wondering when the laundry will start doing itself.

Life happens. And there's nothing we can do about it other than decide that we're going to deal with it, hopefully with positivity and with good humor. A very smart friend of mine, in retelling a story of her own last week, explained the central thinking behind her enthusiastic and upbeat - but calm and thoughtful - approach to her life: "I can't control what's going on out there. I can only decide in here (pointing at her head) how I'm going to handle it." This is a woman who, not unlike me, has experienced just about every major life stressor that can be conceived of in the past 18 months: job change, death in the family, financial upheaval, work stress, and so forth. So to me, her mantra rang true. And I know she can't possibly feel that confidence every minute of every day, but it inspired me to think more about how I can bring my own tenacity, creativity and centeredness back to the forefront.

For me, and I think my above-mentioned friend, this boils down to self-care. Yes, another phrase bandied about by every self-help, Oprah-spewing life changer out there...but bear with me. My friend prioritizes her attitude and mental decisioning as part of her own self-care. And this process serves to help her stay authentic, to live her personal brand.

Being authentic to your brand means taking care of it. Growing it, nurturing it, caring for it when it's under the weather. Redirecting it when it gets off on a tangent. In a way, thinking about attending to my brand resonates with me. It's easier for me - and I suspect many women- to drum up energy and enthusiasm to grow or care for something as opposed to "taking care of me" in some esoteric, philosophical sense. This, I can get my hands around!

It's easy to see what happens when you get out of sync but like any smart strategic plan, it's critical to identify the risk factors and figure out how to use them to course correct. Notice, I said "course correct" and not "COMPLETELY CHANGE YOUR LIFE." Because I don't know about you, but the idea of "COMPLETELY CHANGING MY LIFE" seems a tad overwhelming. Gulp.

So here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to declare this "Unapologetic Self-Care Week" here in Trixieland. I'm going to sit down and take stock of the patterns in my life that have caused me to wander off the road and I'm going to name them. I'm going to think about how each of these recurring scoundrels affects me and what I might do to address them immediately and with proactive attention. If I have a setback with my business, how do I usually "fall apart?" What can I do to self-care my way through that setback so that "falling apart" looks like a blip on the radar and not a Richter-sized event?

I've also carved out a day to tuck myself into a retreat and let the self-care techniques and strategies wash over me. This should be fun. We'll be learning about such things as guided imagery, meditation, setting intentions, journaling, guided touch and yoga. By Thursday of my "Unapologetic Self-Care Week," I should be primed to put on my beginner's mind and see what techniques I can try in my strategic plan to care for my personal brand: me.

strategic life planning? lifestyle blueprint? personal branding? ...shoot me now?

I'm stumbling around in verbiage these days. Up to my knees and tripping through all of this overused linguistic blah-blah-blah. So called trendy terminology that only seems to make people feel more out of the loop than in it. And I'm finding myself paralyzed instead of inspired. My personal triggers these days are words like "life coach," "personal branding," "hurried woman syndrome," and when I see them I am overcome by the urge to crawl into my bathtub with a box of wine and the 5th volume of Harry Potter, never to emerge again.

I'm coming around to one of those big "life defining statements," I believe. I'm trying to unearth my true self, give her room to really breathe and grow, and challenge her to become more than she ever thought possible. Or maybe, I'm trying to get me out of her way so that she can be as big and forceful as she's always known she could be. Waaaay down deep. But part of me being in my way is that I need those damned words and concepts to help outline what it is that I want to make my living at.

As I've said before, I'm more of a lifestyle person vs. a work/life balance seeker. Instead of trying to measure myself by how many hours per week I work and how much time I allow for myself and for my family & friends (and then become increasingly bitter and overwhelmed by the whole equation), I'm approaching things from a slightly different perspective these days. I don't want work/life balance, particularly not in that order! In fact, I think it's a truly unattainable concept which serves mostly to frustrate and deaden our sense of true fulfillment. Who came up with this ideal anyway? It's based (in my opinion) in a very dangerous weighing of work on one side of the scale with everything personal on the other. Yes, we have to earn a living. And yes, we have to care for the people, spaces, pets, plants, and communities to whom we are responsible. But who gets to define what "balance" looks like?

It would be easy to dismiss my perspective. Sure, I've done the 70 and 80 hour work weeks, but I've never done them with kids at home, more than one mortgage or a life-threatening illness. But I did hop on the habitrail and wore the corporate dunce cap so snugly around my head that I destroyed my marriage instead of growing it. I made a lot of money, I made a lot of truly exceptional friends. I've been hired and fired and laid off. I dabbled in small businesses and large corporations. I don't mind saying that I've been forged by fire and I know what it's like out there - both by the unique and personal experiences of those dear to me, but also by the trial and error that is my life. I'm not saying I have all of the answers because if I did, I'd have picked the winning Powerball numbers long ago and punched out of this rat race. But I have my battle scars too. I like them. I earned them.

My argument is that the very acceptable pressures in our Americanized lives - personal ambition, family pressures to have this career, the simple choice of our college majors - all serve to define our boundaries instead of open our eyes. My approach these days is to remove all of these barriers - perceived, self-imposed, guilt-ridden - and let our creative selves out to be innovative and thoughtful and free! But we sometimes need the words to help us clarify and tell our stories. And then we get into trouble by trying to weigh one of those words or phrases against another. How much does "mommy" weigh? What about "Vice President?" Or how about simpler things like friend, sister, daughter, mentor, inspiration, energizer - because we need to be these things too sometimes. And we likely won't be getting paid for it.

But all of these words, they're killing me. So what do you call this process? Is it blueprinting your life? Charting a course? Creating a strategic life plan (much as I would create a strategic business or marketing plan)? And if I help someone else do it, what does that make me? If I tread near the "life coach" waters, am I only credible if I have a certification from some trade organization in order to call myself coach? I don't want to be a therapist; there are too many good ones out there that do amazing work. What on earth do I call myself?

I want to be a map maker, I guess. I want to help you start to put some focus on your journey, identify a few potential destinations, brainstorm a couple of possible routes, list the necessary equipment to navigate, and pick out some worthy travel partners, and provide a backstop upon which you can bounce crazy sightseeing adventures.

That's why my business is called Segnavia Creative; in Italian segna means sign, segnare means to mark or indicate. Via means road. "Finding your way forward" is my mission, both for individuals and the businesses I serve. Now, if I can just figure out what to call this voodoo that I want to doo...