When you're on an airplane, they always tell you: if the oxygen mask drops, put yours on first before helping others. We understand the issue here - if we can't breathe, we can't help. The "duh" factor is high.
The workshop I participated in was filled with women of all ages (roughly 25-80) and in various states of wellness. Two, including one instructor, were cancer survivors; one has Stage 4 breast cancer and is going through chemo. One young lady has Crohn's disease, she was joined by her 2 sisters. One older woman is living with her husband's dementia; another lost her husband 3 years ago. Two women were in major personal/career transitions - one had just parlayed her love for her teaching career and Theology into a new PhD and a new career; the other recently retired and is interested in figuring out what she wants to do next (how great is that?). I was humbled by their braveness. And their insight - these ladies all knew that self-care should be on their radar, even if just by signing up for the retreat. We all had stressors to leave at the door.
The retreat itself was lovely. This wasn't a fancy spa or a time of indulgent, expensive pampering. We were in the basement of a former convent surrounded by healing practitioners, a library full of books and instructors who wanted to instill upon us the importance of taking care of ourselves. They created a simple, comfortable environment, walked us through an introduction to many concepts and techniques, and sent us away with some affirmations to try as well as a little marigold to grow. Lovely.
We explored a bit about how our mental attitudes and preconceptions impact our decisions around caring for ourselves. We talked about warning signals that stress sends (physical, emotional, behavioral, cognitive) and a basic roadmap to coping and problem solving. We had a 30 minute yoga class and started talking a bit about energy healing. We ran out of time which meant that a few things got dropped off the schedule, and unfortunately I think we missed out on a couple of potentially great lessons...but perhaps next time. And we got to connect and share with the other women in our group - uncomfortable at first, but once you start talking it's always such a great experience to hear that others have similar experiences or reactions or challenges. Overall, we were given a lot to think about and much inspiration to go on and learn more together or on our own. Definitely worth the price of admission.
And I got what I wanted out of my time there - inspiration and some renewed energy toward this "take care of myself" concept that I'd been intuitively sorting through. What I learned here:
- Take care of your health while you have it: Since many of these women were having their well-being challenged through illness, death and even growth, it was obvious how important it is to build up not only our health but our healthful practices when times are good. Just as pregnancy may not be a great time to start hitting the gym, developing these habits today will help support us down the road. There are many sub-lessons that go along with facing women in these situations: be grateful, stop making excuses, stop feeling sorry for yourself, stop ignoring spirituality, basically - lean into life, even the tough stuff.
- Don't underestimate the power of community: The woman facing Stage 4 cancer doesn't have a personal support group. Girlfriends. How could this be? The one that survived cancer (twice) and lost her husband found that her circle couldn't support her through those challenges. One of her key stressors, in addition to worrying about money, is aloneness. Again how can it be that in a society such as ours these bright, brave women wouldn't have a thoughtful friend or two they could lean on? So many studies, books, even our own personal experiences tell us how important it is to have a circle of friends. Not every friend "gives" us the same thing as every other. Some are "soul friends" - a term I learned this week - those that we connect with at a deeper level, those that we will likely keep with us til our end. Some are people who find their way into our lives for a reason - something to teach, something to learn, an experience to cherish - even if they may fade out of our life again. So, build your circle and build it well. These people will quite literally make your life.
I left this event inspired to create a retreat like this for those in my personal and professional circle. This group has nailed down how to support women who are living with health crises. I want to reach out to other kinds of women - those in other times of growth and learning. Other transitions that touch our lives. Can't you look back and see how interesting something like this might have been when we were 25? Or following divorce or a job layoff? The language changes, the lessons get more specific but the underlying message is there: know who you are, know who supports you best, take care of you. We aren't as strong and big as we could be in our lives unless we ensure our health and well-being needs are met first. Now, if we could just make that as plain as the symbols on the emergency card in your seatback pocket...
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