busily separating eggs or baking cakes?

How many times have you started an organization project by buying a bunch of cute baskets, clear boxes and a label maker? Or in a panic, dealt with a stressful job situation by applying for a bunch of wrong-level, wrong-fit jobs just because they happened to be on CareerBuilder? Or, like me, started a self-helpy project by throwing a library's worth of books, new journals and smooth-writing pens at the problem? Sigh. I wish I could express to you how many virtually new journals I am staring at right now...

In our fast-forward world, it's so enticing to grab ahold of the latest fad diet, popular relationship guide book or - let's face it - anything Oprah says. In these resources lie some sort of inspiration or appreciation or probably better defined: aspiriation. Something in there hooked us and made us believe that that resource ALONE was the answer. Or worse, again like me, I grab at pieces of this and facets of that and never end up pulling together anything in a complete sense. And spend a lot of time spinning.

So here's my advice (which, yes, it's probably the same thing you've heard from your therapist, Dr. Phil, Bob Greene, and Oprah herself), but maybe this helps put the concepts into a language that you're willing to grab onto.

1. figure out where you're going

Any time we undertake a big journey, we need all sorts of things. We need a map, a compass, snacks, fun people, a place to get off the road for awhile and rest. But if we don't even know where we're headed, we don't have any hope of getting there even with the top of the line GPS. Again, you may not have to say that you're going to Naples, but it's probably good if you can decide some basics: island, snowy mountain, tropical, a lake, a city, Europe...and so forth. Naples, Italy is a far different place than Naples, Florida and the journey there takes a whole different set of resources.

2. find your native tongue

I spent a few hours with a good friend the other day who's struggling with this. She proudly pulled out a notebook with tabs and colors and lists and sticky notes and declared THIS ONE "the Bible!" I took a deep breath and informed her that, no, that was in fact a notebook. A tool. A helper in her journey. But where on earth was she going? We talked through a marketing analogy (my bailiwick) and this spurred something in her. She landed on a baking analogy (her bailiwick). Spending time choosing the best chocolate in the world, having the best mixer or whisk or whatever, researching velvet cake recipes, calibrating your oven and so forth wasn't going to do her any good if she was trying to make a lemon cheesecake.

3. figure out who you are, where you're starting from

This is where those darned personal branding exercises come in so handy. Simply put, it's an authenticity check point. If you go on to the dreaming step too soon, there's a danger that you'll start wandering around in someone else's version of success, your own "baggage" version of fulfillment, some random number that you've always wanted to see on your paycheck but don't remember why. This process is critical to getting you on the path. Using the analogies above, it's sorta like admitting you're really not an airplane person even if you might randomly visualize yourself in First Class traveling at the speed of sound. You might truly be more of a train person, wandering a little more slowly, seeing the countryside pass by. Or in my friend's case, is she a key lime pie or a 6-layer wedding cake? And then accept it. If you're a cupcake, embrace being a cupcake. If you're a pedal biker, then give your bike a big warm hug.

4. dream big

I've talked about this before but when you're determining your destination, don't let the realities of your current job, the city you live in, your relationship with your spouse, your debt, your anything get in your way. This isn't a "visualize it and it will come" or "ask the universe" perspective, I promise. It's probably not a good idea to visualize yourself as Will Smith's wife, or Donald Trump's second in command because those jobs are sorta filled already. Trust me, I double checked.

But if your dream is to create a lifestyle that allows you to spend time watching your children grow up vs sending them to daycare, or exercise by walking on the beach each morning, then we've got something to work with. Are you fulfilling your personal destiny by serving the hungry? Are you becoming the go-to realtor in your market? Are you transitioning from the corporate world to teaching? Let your mind wander here a bit. Even if you decide later that some of it really isn't where you see yourself going, it's important to consider all sorts of things that appeal to who you are and what makes you tick.

5. then break it down

Whether or not this is career-related or relationship fueled journey, where do you see yourself waking up each morning? What kind of work do you do, functionally? In what environment? What kinds of people do you need to meet to learn more? Where do those people hang out? What do you need in hand to be ready to talk to them? Here you can start a list of tools you'll need, what the best ones look like and where you can acquire them. You can figure out the best way of tracking your progress (a calendar, a to-do list, a "bible" notebook) because now you know what progress should look like. You know where you're going. You know whether to whip egg whites into a stiff peak or melt chocolate.

This is the part where so many of us buy the label maker and have no clue what to type. Stop. Deep breath. Put the label maker away and go back to the dreaming a little bit more, in whatever way works for you. For me, it's a giant poster-sized sticky note and a Sharpie. Brainstorm. Figure out what feels right. And if you consider something as a tool, ask yourself: does this tool serve me on my journey? Or is a distraction? Because that networking group that someone told you that you HAD to join might just be a time suck that is taking you off track.

In the end, this is a process that no one can do alone. Again, trust me, I tried. You know how it's so much easier to perfectly see what's going wonky in a friend's romantic relationship or a business that you read about in the paper? It's called perspective. And lack of involvement. And a critical - though loving - eye. We can help each other see through the complications and emotions that tangle us up. So find yourself a first-mate (or whole crew, if you need one). Identify your transition team. Keep in simple and keep it tight. Then your journey can begin in earnest.