wheee! i can't help you!

"I can't help you"...one of the most freeing statements in the English language! And yet, one of the hardest to say.

I've realized lately that part of the reason I encourage entrepreneurs (and other individuals) to go through the personal branding discovery process is because I know the inherent value that comes along with it. I know it intimately because I tried to operate outside of my true, authentic self for many years and wound up a frustrated, directionless character filled with self-doubt. I was on a path alright, but it simply wasn't mine.

For me, dealing honestly with my true passions, strengths and what I have to offer to the world meant that I had to also honestly deal with what/who I am not. This took time - many hours of reading, therapy and plain ol' living my life. I didn't wake up one day with a fully formed idea of what it meant to be me. And quite frankly, I'm guessing this evolution will continue. I hope it will.

Hello, my name is Tracy and I'm a fixer. I fix broken relationships, workstreams and attitudes! I solve problems! I find solutions! I'm innovative, kind and engaging! I'm tenacious and strong! All of these traits that make me an ideal consultant - someone that people regularly seek out for advice and direction - also made me fundamentally unable to say no. When presented with a challenge, I ran into it as if I were saving it from a house fire. In my pre-consulting professional life, I wasn't sure how it happened but I was the one that leadership turned to when there was a problem. When someone needed to put a finger in the dam, or needed to create a business structure where there was none. No mountain was too high! And I never said no. I developed myself into a frenetic, multi-tasking utility player. Saying yes and plowing headlong into a challenge became my calling card: how I valued myself and how I identified myself. Without a nightmarish business challenge on my hands, who was I?

Sure, we could spend quite a bit of time reviewing my childhood and seeing where much of this started but the fact was, I never truly saw the big picture until massive change happened. Jobs disappeared. The economy tanked. Relationships failed. Once all those titles and paygrades and roles evaporated, I had to address who I really was. Who I really AM.

And then? What a relief. I finally realized I didn't need to - or want to - solve every problem all the time. By focusing on who I am and what I really value, I quickly saw how I could bring the best me to my clients, my relationships, my world. It isn't by tackling every insurmountable issue out there. It's about defining the sandbox I play in and realizing when others need help I can't provide. This is what I do. This is what I don't do. It's simplicity is maddening. I help my clients see that drawing a few boundaries around who they are and what they do doesn't mean stifling innovation or being less open to opportunities. In fact, it gives them even more room to grow. And somewhere in that process, I taught myself the lesson as well.

Now I really do feel freer. I am more focused on the areas of my practice where I really excel. And I help my clients call on someone else when I have to say, "I can't help you." It's scary because I'm leaving business on the table. But in the end, I think it's better for everyone involved. We're all taking responsibility for who we are and acknowledging when we need assistance that's outside of our normal comfort zone. The interaction becomes richer and deeper. And I know that I've done my very best. Which, I suppose, is what we all truly crave.

So just know...if I say "I can't help you," it's out of respect. For both of us. I want your success, maybe even more than my own. And I will doggedly help you achieve it. And because of that, sometimes I just may have to say no. Isn't that fantastic?

the trouble with self-marketing

It seems that regardless of why I connect with a client, our conversations all start in the same place: who are you, what do you stand for, what makes you unique, how do you describe yourself and how do others describe you? If you've hired me, it's likely because you want help marketing yourself or your business. And when you hire me, I'll probably push you right into some uncomfortable territory about why you and/or your business are different. Why you are special. What you bring to the table that no one else can. Because at the end of the day, being able to market yourself is the key to making your business a success. Yet it's the one thing that seems to hold great business people back. You're well-versed in why the business is great, but less comfortable talking about why you're so darned fantastic.

(There's a massive aside here about why I think every college student should be required to have more than just a basic understanding of business and marketing before they graduate. I also think they should get a lesson or three on personal branding and appropriate corporate behavior, though I came to that a little later in my career. But I'll digress at another time.)

With my clients, I get them to dig in. Ask some pointed questions - of themselves and of those around them. The idea is to pull out the words, phrases, sentiments, feedback and criticisms that have helped to form the external perception of who they are, but also the internal perception as well. And you can guess which one is more important.

I willingly admit to being a fan of the TV show "Biggest Loser." I can't help it. There's something very inspiring and real about how these folks overcome everything from complex medical conditions to defeating self-talk to break through the barriers (perceived and otherwise) to good health. You can literally see it when the lightbulb comes on. When they stop talking or acting out of responsibility to something "other" and start engaging deeply with themselves, for themselves. Without exception. But it all comes from understanding who they are and what messages they're sending themselves about who they are...two wildy different things.

In consulting, I'm trying to uncover not only the features & benefits of your business or your product or service, I'm trying to identify the areas where you may end up holding yourself back, despite your commitment to success. There's a little psychology here, but I know that in the end, you have to be able to market yourself in any situation. If you don't believe the key messages that I help you create, you're not going to succeed in delivering the value promised within. So we start with the big chunks of personal branding.

For instance: if you're a consultant just starting out, why should someone hire you? (Hint: it's not because of the technical skills you bring to the table. Who cares? There are lots of great technicians out there. What else?) If you're a mom trying to get back into the job market, what makes you a compelling employee? What do people say about you, and what do you want people to say about you? And most importantly, do we have alignment?

One of the more interesting things I've seen lately is that not only is there NOT alignment, there is a little bit of loss. The personality that tumbled forth naturally when you were in high school & college - once hit with the realities of the work world/adulthood/parenthood - started absorbing different attributes. For one of my clients, the risk-taking goofball who'd likely be found splashing in the corporate lobby fountain now comes off as reserved, deliberate and straight-laced after many successful years in the insurance industry. Some might say that this is a good thing - experience, maturity and growth are all positive. But have you left something of yourself behind in the process? My client was surprised - that shift had all happened over years, but went virtually unnoticed. How could that be?!

I think most of us feel that we have, in fact, lost something along the way. And there are a million reasons why that might happen. We followed a certain path until we didn't. We took care of others' needs ahead of our own. Whatever the reason, taking the step back and thinking about self-marketing comes like a shock to the system. What?! Focus on myself? Toot my own horn? Act as if I'm better than someone else? Hmm...well, if I did that, what would I want to say?

It's easy to see why this is uncomfortable ground. And why it's so important. Keep in mind that you don't have to do this alone. There are a plethora of great books out there about personal branding, marketing, life strategies and empowering yourself. And there are lots of enviable examples. My advice to you is to not walk this path alone. You're too close to this to be objective, critical, or more importantly, encouraging. Find a mentor, hire a coach, take a class - use an expert so you don't wallow in the weeds. I promise you, once you start understanding your skills & talents from an objective point of view, you'll get as excited as I do. You'll see your potential and start dreaming bigger about where you could go next. Who knows, you may even jump into a fountain.

personal brand = a storehouse of power

The past few weeks have really had me thinking about the power inherent in the development of your own personal brand. (Stay with me here, I've been reading a lot of Oprah again.) But really, I've been spending time with clients and friends and we've been sort of sitting back, watching the last long days of summer slip towards the chill of fall and thinking about how smart we've all gotten lately. Maybe not smart exactly but aware. And somewhere in that awareness has brought about a sense of responsibility and strength that I haven't felt in a while.

I think the economy and joblessness has taken it out of people. The fear of the unknown and unpredictable has sunk into to each of us. But, when used as a launching pad, these uncertainties have also gifted us with the ability to recreate ourselves a bit. Or at least, peel back a couple of layers and see what's really inside. Through this introspection, coupled with not just a small amount of acceptance, we're starting to see people act from a strength that enlivens and inspires.

I hate the stigma that's become attached to the term "personal brand" because I think it diminishes the process somehow. In fact, it makes it more like an outcome and less like a journey, which I believe misses the point entirely. Remember when you worked in a larger company and you were prodded into this thing called "networking" which felt so fakey and contrived that you couldn't see the possible benefit? And, if you're like me, you didn't really get a damned thing out of it other than to tell your boss that you were out there "networking!" I think that's where we've gone with personal branding too. If you work in a company now and have seen "develop your personal brand" creep up on a yearly review, raise your hand.

Instead of taking the life out of personal branding (as I talked about in this post), why not visualize the personal and professional confidence we could gain by wandering down this path in the first place? What I'm talking about here is the self-assured, electric, powerful feeling that we get when we're operating within our values, passions, strengths, personality and so forth. When we're (quoting Oprah here) "standing in our truth." When we have no problem turning to a friend and saying "No, I don't do that." Or turning down a job - not acting out of panicky fear - because it doesn't fit our true self. In my opinion, THIS is what the personal branding process should bring. Alignment breeds power.

Martha Beck did a great piece in Oprah magazine this month about power (actually the entire issue was about power, but Martha really knows how to get me thinking) and how we feel when we're convinced we don't have control or options or power over situations, people, things, what have you. And she talks about the differences between acting out of fear and acting out of love. The reality is, when you find yourself in that sweet spot of acting out of love (or in my term, alignment), there too you will likely find the core of your personal brand. And then you can set out to use it for good, and not just for performance reviews.

Go on. Plug in.

the role of self-care in your personal brand

You know how this vicious cycle goes: get stressed, fall behind, stop taking care of yourself, sleep horribly, feel icky, fall off wellness wagon, lose patience with loved ones, miss a deadline, throw a muscle in your back...etc etc...next thing you know, you're immobilized on the couch in your least-restrictive fitting yoga pants, with mac & cheese and TIVOed reruns of Law & Order SVU, and wondering when the laundry will start doing itself.

Life happens. And there's nothing we can do about it other than decide that we're going to deal with it, hopefully with positivity and with good humor. A very smart friend of mine, in retelling a story of her own last week, explained the central thinking behind her enthusiastic and upbeat - but calm and thoughtful - approach to her life: "I can't control what's going on out there. I can only decide in here (pointing at her head) how I'm going to handle it." This is a woman who, not unlike me, has experienced just about every major life stressor that can be conceived of in the past 18 months: job change, death in the family, financial upheaval, work stress, and so forth. So to me, her mantra rang true. And I know she can't possibly feel that confidence every minute of every day, but it inspired me to think more about how I can bring my own tenacity, creativity and centeredness back to the forefront.

For me, and I think my above-mentioned friend, this boils down to self-care. Yes, another phrase bandied about by every self-help, Oprah-spewing life changer out there...but bear with me. My friend prioritizes her attitude and mental decisioning as part of her own self-care. And this process serves to help her stay authentic, to live her personal brand.

Being authentic to your brand means taking care of it. Growing it, nurturing it, caring for it when it's under the weather. Redirecting it when it gets off on a tangent. In a way, thinking about attending to my brand resonates with me. It's easier for me - and I suspect many women- to drum up energy and enthusiasm to grow or care for something as opposed to "taking care of me" in some esoteric, philosophical sense. This, I can get my hands around!

It's easy to see what happens when you get out of sync but like any smart strategic plan, it's critical to identify the risk factors and figure out how to use them to course correct. Notice, I said "course correct" and not "COMPLETELY CHANGE YOUR LIFE." Because I don't know about you, but the idea of "COMPLETELY CHANGING MY LIFE" seems a tad overwhelming. Gulp.

So here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to declare this "Unapologetic Self-Care Week" here in Trixieland. I'm going to sit down and take stock of the patterns in my life that have caused me to wander off the road and I'm going to name them. I'm going to think about how each of these recurring scoundrels affects me and what I might do to address them immediately and with proactive attention. If I have a setback with my business, how do I usually "fall apart?" What can I do to self-care my way through that setback so that "falling apart" looks like a blip on the radar and not a Richter-sized event?

I've also carved out a day to tuck myself into a retreat and let the self-care techniques and strategies wash over me. This should be fun. We'll be learning about such things as guided imagery, meditation, setting intentions, journaling, guided touch and yoga. By Thursday of my "Unapologetic Self-Care Week," I should be primed to put on my beginner's mind and see what techniques I can try in my strategic plan to care for my personal brand: me.

busily separating eggs or baking cakes?

How many times have you started an organization project by buying a bunch of cute baskets, clear boxes and a label maker? Or in a panic, dealt with a stressful job situation by applying for a bunch of wrong-level, wrong-fit jobs just because they happened to be on CareerBuilder? Or, like me, started a self-helpy project by throwing a library's worth of books, new journals and smooth-writing pens at the problem? Sigh. I wish I could express to you how many virtually new journals I am staring at right now...

In our fast-forward world, it's so enticing to grab ahold of the latest fad diet, popular relationship guide book or - let's face it - anything Oprah says. In these resources lie some sort of inspiration or appreciation or probably better defined: aspiriation. Something in there hooked us and made us believe that that resource ALONE was the answer. Or worse, again like me, I grab at pieces of this and facets of that and never end up pulling together anything in a complete sense. And spend a lot of time spinning.

So here's my advice (which, yes, it's probably the same thing you've heard from your therapist, Dr. Phil, Bob Greene, and Oprah herself), but maybe this helps put the concepts into a language that you're willing to grab onto.

1. figure out where you're going

Any time we undertake a big journey, we need all sorts of things. We need a map, a compass, snacks, fun people, a place to get off the road for awhile and rest. But if we don't even know where we're headed, we don't have any hope of getting there even with the top of the line GPS. Again, you may not have to say that you're going to Naples, but it's probably good if you can decide some basics: island, snowy mountain, tropical, a lake, a city, Europe...and so forth. Naples, Italy is a far different place than Naples, Florida and the journey there takes a whole different set of resources.

2. find your native tongue

I spent a few hours with a good friend the other day who's struggling with this. She proudly pulled out a notebook with tabs and colors and lists and sticky notes and declared THIS ONE "the Bible!" I took a deep breath and informed her that, no, that was in fact a notebook. A tool. A helper in her journey. But where on earth was she going? We talked through a marketing analogy (my bailiwick) and this spurred something in her. She landed on a baking analogy (her bailiwick). Spending time choosing the best chocolate in the world, having the best mixer or whisk or whatever, researching velvet cake recipes, calibrating your oven and so forth wasn't going to do her any good if she was trying to make a lemon cheesecake.

3. figure out who you are, where you're starting from

This is where those darned personal branding exercises come in so handy. Simply put, it's an authenticity check point. If you go on to the dreaming step too soon, there's a danger that you'll start wandering around in someone else's version of success, your own "baggage" version of fulfillment, some random number that you've always wanted to see on your paycheck but don't remember why. This process is critical to getting you on the path. Using the analogies above, it's sorta like admitting you're really not an airplane person even if you might randomly visualize yourself in First Class traveling at the speed of sound. You might truly be more of a train person, wandering a little more slowly, seeing the countryside pass by. Or in my friend's case, is she a key lime pie or a 6-layer wedding cake? And then accept it. If you're a cupcake, embrace being a cupcake. If you're a pedal biker, then give your bike a big warm hug.

4. dream big

I've talked about this before but when you're determining your destination, don't let the realities of your current job, the city you live in, your relationship with your spouse, your debt, your anything get in your way. This isn't a "visualize it and it will come" or "ask the universe" perspective, I promise. It's probably not a good idea to visualize yourself as Will Smith's wife, or Donald Trump's second in command because those jobs are sorta filled already. Trust me, I double checked.

But if your dream is to create a lifestyle that allows you to spend time watching your children grow up vs sending them to daycare, or exercise by walking on the beach each morning, then we've got something to work with. Are you fulfilling your personal destiny by serving the hungry? Are you becoming the go-to realtor in your market? Are you transitioning from the corporate world to teaching? Let your mind wander here a bit. Even if you decide later that some of it really isn't where you see yourself going, it's important to consider all sorts of things that appeal to who you are and what makes you tick.

5. then break it down

Whether or not this is career-related or relationship fueled journey, where do you see yourself waking up each morning? What kind of work do you do, functionally? In what environment? What kinds of people do you need to meet to learn more? Where do those people hang out? What do you need in hand to be ready to talk to them? Here you can start a list of tools you'll need, what the best ones look like and where you can acquire them. You can figure out the best way of tracking your progress (a calendar, a to-do list, a "bible" notebook) because now you know what progress should look like. You know where you're going. You know whether to whip egg whites into a stiff peak or melt chocolate.

This is the part where so many of us buy the label maker and have no clue what to type. Stop. Deep breath. Put the label maker away and go back to the dreaming a little bit more, in whatever way works for you. For me, it's a giant poster-sized sticky note and a Sharpie. Brainstorm. Figure out what feels right. And if you consider something as a tool, ask yourself: does this tool serve me on my journey? Or is a distraction? Because that networking group that someone told you that you HAD to join might just be a time suck that is taking you off track.

In the end, this is a process that no one can do alone. Again, trust me, I tried. You know how it's so much easier to perfectly see what's going wonky in a friend's romantic relationship or a business that you read about in the paper? It's called perspective. And lack of involvement. And a critical - though loving - eye. We can help each other see through the complications and emotions that tangle us up. So find yourself a first-mate (or whole crew, if you need one). Identify your transition team. Keep in simple and keep it tight. Then your journey can begin in earnest.

who's afraid of a little personal branding?

Personal branding has become quite the buzz phrase these days. Information is coming at us in every direction saying why personal branding is "CRITICAL TO YOUR SUCCESS, TO YOUR VERY SURVIVAL EVEN!" Which has unintentionally made it a little scary. I've been trying to figure out what it means to me, and how people can really use it in "normal" life.

Part of this, for me, goes back to the idea of creating a lifestyle that supports and nurtures both my creative and wage-earning side (right now, much more creative than wage earning, but we'll get there) and my personal fulfillment side, or what it means to actually live in this life I have. These things are so inextricably intertwined for me as an independent, one-woman-show entrepreneur that they're hardly worth trying to sort out as different elements. Or are they?

Well for sure, I have a personal brand. Tracy Morgan. It's my personal values, strengths, personality, attributes and mission/vision that guide my decision making and my prioritization. These are the core of who I am, who I'd like to become. These days, I'm proud to say, they're more authentic and real than they've ever been. And they inform the brand that I've created for my business, Segnavia Creative. But because the business is its own entity with its own goals and measurements of success (however linked to me as an individual entrepreneur), it also has its own values, strengths, and so on. Several of these are the same as my personal brand. Several are different. Most are nuanced and refined versions of who I am, using the lens of what services the business provides.

When it comes to personal branding as an everyday thing, going through this exercise myself has highlighted to me why it's important for everyone to do. Big things like career changes, job hunting, etc need to begin with the end in mind. It's a little like planning a vacation - you think about where you want to go, what "kind" of vacation it would be (lying low and relaxing, intentionally soaking up the local color, or visiting every duomo in Italy?) and then start mapping out how to get yourself there. What form of transportation, what you need to pack, who you want to take with you. Resources you need. Questions you want to ask.

My version of personal branding puts you in a place to think about all of these things as they relate to your own individual journey. Thinking about how you want your life to look and how you want to spend your days - in a year, in 5 years, in 10 years - you can start to fit in the work you'd be passionate about, the way in which you prefer to share your talents, the type of job you'd like to do within that work/industry/service area, etc. Lifestyle first. Truly authentic to who you are. What a concept, right?!

So in the example of looking for a job, you consider where you want to end up. Think about how you package yourself - are you a marketing consultant? Virtual assistant? Public relations pro? Think about the types of people and environment you want to work in - in an office, with a W2, without a boss? Think about the people you need around you to get there, aka your network or - as in my case - transition team. Think about the tools you'll need - resumes, bios, LinkedIn profiles. Think about how you present yourself - what your image, dress, attitude, web presence, references say about you. Then, from a place of strength, you can push yourself forward.

It's easy to lose the core and possibilities of personal branding in all of the buzz words, technobabble and salesmanship lingo. Don't be afraid! In the end, think of personal branding as both a process and a tool. Acknowledging and celebrating who we are has inherent value even in the most general sense. And specifically, developing your personal brand will help you sight, measure and course-correct all the way along your journey.

series: personal branding - dreaming it up

When was the last time you took an hour or two to just dream a little bit?

I know so many people that, like me, are approaching the middle of their lives wondering how they've gotten from their childhood dreams and aspirations to...well, here. Part of this has to do with the concepts of personal branding, about which I've written in this blog and there are umpteen resources on webwide. The way *I'm* approaching personal branding is: Figuring out who you REALLY are, who you are REALLY meant to be and getting back on that path. But what I'm thinking about right here and now also has to do with acknowledging our child-like minds and letting them have some time in the sun.

As I consider my work in helping both businesses and individuals (frequently, entrepreneurs) find their way forward, I've been pondering ideation. Not in our all too familiar stuffy corporate-speak, but pure and simple dreaming. Laying on your back in a sunny patch of park and letting reality, encumbrances, the economy, swine flu, the last thing that showed up on your review as a "challenge", the number in your 401k - all of it - just float away with the passing clouds. Getting all of those boundaries - both positive and negative - out of the way long enough to let the mind play a bit. Wonder what could be. Ruminate on who might be there and what it might look like.

I love a book called The E-Myth, now in it's ba-jillionth reprinting I believe, authored by Michael E. Gerber. I don't just appreciate this book because of his lessons and the way he brings you through them (although these are really quite good indeed), but because of the way he approaches the creation of the business. Or reinvention, if that's what's applicable to you at the moment. I'm purposely glossing over the bulk of his message but not because it's not important to entrepreneurs and small business owners. Of more broad-based appeal, however, is his first step in putting together that business development plan...or as I'm thinking of it, a kind-of personal development plan. Your Primary Aim. He asks:

• What do I wish my life to look like?
• How do I wish my life to be on a day-to-day basis?
• What would I like to be able to say I truly know in my life, about my life?
• How would I like to be with other people in my life - my family, my friends, my business associates, my customers, my employees, my community?
• How would I like people to think about me?
• What would I like to be doing two years from now? Ten years from now? Twenty years from now? When my life comes to a close?
• What specifically would I like to learn during my life - spiritually, physically, financially, technically, intellectually? About relationships?
• How much money will I need to do the things I wish to do? By when will I need it?

Whew. What great questions! And not just for entrepreneurs and business owners, right? What if we started our personal branding and development journey by sitting back and conceiving of the life that we most want, now? Answering a few of these types of questions? Does this mean we wave a magic wand and every thing we dream of is possible for us? Well, probably not. Unless that wand lands you a winning Powerball ticket, but not guaranteed even then. I think if we take the time to think positively about our dreams (none of this "oh I wish I would have", "I couldn't possibly" business) and commit to acting in small ways towards reaching a couple of goals, I believe the resulting boost in our self-esteem, self-appreciation, perspective, and attitude would be immeasurable. Think of how great you feel after spending time with positive, energized people. It's a heady flush of possibility! I know I feel lighter and more nimble. My inquisitive nature is piqued. I start seeing connections and alignment between ideas, people, dreams. And the more I move toward understanding those ideas and people and dreams, determining if there is a role for me between the, well I naturally move toward action.

Sometimes it's just dreaming. But sometimes it's the start of a whole new adventure.

(Note: items in bold, italics above are directly quoted from Michael E. Gerber's The E-Myth Revisited.)

putting the "personal" back into personal branding

Personal branding...whoa, did I open a can of worms there or what?! When I started "studying" the concept of the personal brand after stumbling upon my first fateful tome on the subject circa 2001, I had no idea what an impact it would eventually have in our new, emerging world. Slowly, we've seen great brands built around people (and what a no-no that used to be) succeed like Oprah, stumble but eventually persevere like Martha. Economies have faltered and jobs have been eliminated. We've had to take a frankly objective look at ourselves to regain our income-earning, title-having, respect-commanding status. We've put together resumes and cover letters and attended networking meetings, putting our very best foot forward. We've turned into master sellers of our most important product: us. And, believe me, as an independent I totally understand this process because otherwise I couldn't support my rather deadly lipgloss habit.

But isn't this also about separating ourselves from our jobs, in a way? I don't mean that bull about work/life balance (but that's an entirely different post for another day), but about NOT identifying ourselves in that pre-conditioned, Americanized, job-first way. About identifying ourselves with what's really, truly, deeply important to us?? Think about our culture: what's the first question strangers ask you after being introduced? Is is "Tell me about your family?" or "What's your life's quest?" No, I'm pretty sure that the standard opener is "So, what do you do?" And they don't mean, where do you derive your energy...

I've really seen it play out in my own personal world, as well. Not having a firm grip on my own mission, vision, values, image and so forth has slowed me. Looking back now - after having had many years of wild and wonderful, uncomfortable and unreasonable, well-intentioned and downright stupid life experiences - I think I intuitively realized that I had a path, but I frequently wandered off of it in search of something I THOUGHT I needed. I have done this with jobs, many of which I have loved and learned a lot from but haven't served my vision well. I've done this with personal relationships, again learning and growing, but straying from my journey time and again. Yes, part of this could simply be chalked up to growing older, growing up. Living and learning. But don't you get the feeling sometimes that there are people out there that "got it" so much earlier in life than you? What makes them so damned smart? Why can't I seem to get it?? Whether or not you believe in such things as reincarnation, there is a this-life equivalent that's widely understood: you will learn the same lessons - a.k.a., make the same mistakes - over and over again (date the same guy, hang around the same people, take the same ill-fitting job, lose the same 10 lbs) until you decide to stop. Until you realize where your path is taking you and what you need to do (and...ahem...stop doing, for pete's sake) to get yourself back on the journey.

I've been reading some incredible books and blogs and stories lately about personal branding. I even put together a couple of posts myself and threw them on Twitter only to see my own following grow and grow in response. This is a hot-button topic out there, people! But, I wondered, did I call it the right thing? Am I REALLY talking about Personal Branding the way these insightful people are? Because I felt like the incredible breadth of knowledge out there didn't really capture the finer essence of what I meant to say. No, I don't mean to say that I've struck on something new. But I do feel like I'm trying to highlight something important, something slightly different.

I mean here today to start putting some separation between Personal Branding: The Key to Success and Personal Branding: the Finding Your Way Forward version. Because if you take a strictly business view of branding and what it brings to a company, it's obvious to most why this is important. You see why branding yourself appropriately can lead to that businessy/career-type success. You may not know how to do it (and if that's the case, there are many fabulous experts I'd be happy to direct you to) but you know it's getting to be one of those no-brainer things to do. However, if you take it back to a PERSON inside of all of this, there are many ways that personal branding becomes just as applicable in your holistic life. Have you thought about:

• why people struggle meeting their mate? keeping a marriage healthy?
• why you keep fighting the weight loss battle?
• why you're even keeping that ongoing family feud going?
• why there are fears (named and unnamed) lurking around in your head?

There are MANY subjects such as these. I think we've all either been there, are there now or are watching a good friend struggle though something like this, right? And I guess this is where things start to get a little therapy-self-helpy but in my mind, getting a grip on who you are and what you stand for is the first step toward finding not only career or outward success. But toward finding internal contentment as well. In my circle of friends, we sometimes talk about acceptance. Not that you have to accept that your life is your life and that's all you're going to get, so buck up. But moreso that once you quiet down, acknowledge yourself and accept that you are really quite good right here and now, then doors can start opening for you. You will have a better perspective on your personal goals and assessing whether or not they're serving your real life's mission. You will start to see how you're sabotaging yourself from your REAL goals by letting false ideas suck up your time and mess up decisions. You can see why hanging so much of your pre-bottled expectation on a simple first date can send you spinning. You will figure out why panic and fear don't make good job search coaches. You will take responsibility for the role you played in some of your past not-so-stellar-moments. And so forth.

And, my theory? You'll start to see how to fix 'em.

series: personal branding - claiming you

I'm having one of those existential crisis moments where I'm feeling a little off track, waylaid, discombobulated. I know these feelings are real and important to my journey, so I'm trying not to stick my head in the sand and ignore them. I'm trying to sit with them a bit and figure out what they're here to teach me.

That said, it's in my nature to act. In every sense of the word, I'm all about motion. So even just trying to sit, for me, becomes an act of deliberate, paced, thoughtful movement. But in and of itself, this all goes back to the theory of knowing oneself well enough to start over, to find your way forward once again.

So I went back to my study of personal branding for some clarity. As you know, I've been reading (rather ADD-like) several books dealing with some pretty intense introspection and self-study. One of them has led me down the path of analyzing my own personal brand. I've written a little bit about why I think this is so important for each of us, and the timing couldn't be better. We have countries, policies, economies, lifestyles, workstyles all metamorphosing around us each day, and it's becoming all the more relevant to sit back and figure out where we want to play in what will become our new world. The essence of who we are and what drives us as individuals informs what we will do, what we will contribute in our lives from here out. It's an exciting opportunity to be very deliberate in our exploration and our launch forward.

We begin by figuring out what motivates us and gets us out of bed each day. One book takes you through the process of writing down (and all that goes along with that) what your personal values and passions are. It's one of many steps in crafting your own personal brand. I loved this exercise because it really encouraged me to think about ME: who I have become, who I still dream of being. But capturing it in specific words and descriptions.

Here's what I've come up with so far (and believe me, this may be a work in progress for some time to come). Following Robin Fisher Roffer's descriptions in Make a Name for Yourself, I'm calling values the "metronome for my personal behavior- what I stand for, what I want to live up to, what I consider most important to my inner life and well-being." I started by revisiting some old journals and work I did with my therapist and career coach. Then I crafted a laundry list of what I thought my personal values to be: authenticity, success, experiencing & learning, connectedness, creativity, acceptance, having fun, risk taking, kindness, love, integrity. These each speak to me in individual as well as comprehensive ways. But Roffer challenges you to boil it down to its essence and come up with three or four core values, and then figure out what each means to you. (Because as her examples demonstrate, integrity might mean something slightly different when gazed at through your lens than it is through mine.) So this wasn't a quick exercise as you might guess. It has taken place over years and months and days, in fits and starts. But I think I'm getting close.

My core values are:

• authenticity - which for me means honoring and protecting my own truth, acting from a place of strength and gratitude (not fear), not being defined by anything "other"
• empowerment - giving myself room to learn and grow, practicing well-being, inspiring others to thoughtful action, working for the well-being of others
• connectedness - nurturing my inner social butterfly, being part of a community, helping others succeed though my efforts, respecting the resources of the earth, exploring and understanding the bigger world, listening
• creativity - allowing myself time and space to let my passions out to play, finding new ways to do necessary things (in life, in business, whatever)

Gulp. While sounding quite accurate, it also helps put a lot of stuff in perspective for me. And I see plainly how big I really am, despite the days when I feel small. These beautiful things are the central core of who I am and how I interact with the world. If I work against these values, I gum up mentally, slow down emotionally, start to fail physically. When I honor these values, I simply soar. I have more fun, I am better to myself and others and I feel as if I'm in my own "right place." Now why on earth is it so hard to remember these things and keep them on our mental front burner? I vow that I will take this hard work and make sure to not let fear creep in and somehow diminish the importance of these as I move forward.

Next are passions. You know, what gets you all jazzed up and want to bounce off the walls? Roffer describes passions as more "of the world" than values, which have more "inner significance." These were slightly easier to put my finger on, as those of you who know me well will see below. It's the stuff that just makes me hum with anticipation, busy-ness, excitement, motion, storytelling and gong-sounding. My passions are:

• food - cooking it, eating it, selling it, buying it (growing it too, although not necessarily in a dirt-under-the-nails sort of way)
• travel - experiencing places and people (and food, while I'm on a roll)
• learning - reading, studying, getting out of my comfort zone
• networking - bringing the people I love and support together, using social media, spinning the web that we women spin so well
• green issues - specifically related to what goes in and on our bodies
• putting products and services in the hands of the people who need them
• technology for good, not for evil (as in, useful, relevant, helpful technology; not just because Apple/Dell/Best Buy said so)

Many steps to go, but these were really great for me today. It's easy to forget ourselves for a minute (or a month, sometimes) and feel disconnected, irrelevant, useless. It's uplifting to be the wind beneath my own wings just by reminding myself of how far I've traveled on this path and where my road is headed. I'm claiming myself - becoming me - more and more every day and for that, I'm truly grateful. What about you?

in the zone

I suspect we're about to be faced with a phenomenon. I've been enjoying my library copy of The Blue Zone for a week or so now, and wondering: why have I only learned about this recently?! The hardcover version of the book was published in January of 2008, and despite the fact that I have an interest in this type of living/learning/eating genre and that the author Dan Buettner lives here in my very own Twin Cities, there wasn't a lot of splash for this book locally. To be fair, maybe I missed it. I spent the better part of the months between traveling, working exessively, being absent. So, there are a number of things that I've missed, without doubt, not the least of which was my very own life. This book is wonderful though. It just makes so much sense to your emotional, intellectual, food-loving, life-living sides. It's a holistic approach to understanding why life and longevity are quite positive in certain areas of the world...and what we mere mortals can learn from these studies.

To cement his ubiquitousness, Buettner appeared today with Dr. Oz on Oprah. And oohhhh, the Oprah effect! (PS, the softcover version of the book is coming out in just under 2 weeks)

Buettner and his team identified 4 places in the world that have more centenarians than any other. And it sounds as if they're getting ready to announce a 5th Blue Zone. Interesting, indeed. His book is lush with scientific facts and personal stories telling why and how life is just that good in these places. They looked first at the stats - where the most people live to be 100. Then they sent in a bunch of smart people who could analyze the conditions in the area, the behaviors of the people, the lifestyle. And so now tons of information supports the nine lessons that we can incorporate into our own if we want to live longer, healthier, more enriching lives. Here's a quick synopsis from the book, but I have to tell you, reading the book is much more informative and helpful than just a quick run down...I've simply paraphrased.

• Lesson 1: Move Naturally - the idea here is that you can just make physical motion part of your day. No earth-shattering suggestions here but if you have fun, eschew modern conveniences (cars, elevators, blenders?), be social in your motion, plant a garden, do a little yoga, you add some beneficial movement into your normal routine.
• Lesson 2: Hara Hachi Bu - as I've been getting more and more interested in Japanese cuisine and have already bought into the social aspects of French and Italian eating, this makes so much sense to me. In theory, the idea is to stop eating when you're 80% full. As you have undoubtedly experienced the PAINFUL fullness after a big meal, you can relate to this concept. Realizing that your brain and your stomach need time to confer, the longer dining rituals - eating more slowly, with mindfulness and respect for the food, and being present with others at the table - lend themselves well to this idea of stopping before Tums become a necessity. In addition, serve yourself away from the table, use smaller plates, buy realistic packages (although this may seem counter to some of the greener initiatives), weigh yourself regularly (read: not obsessively), and for the love of Pete, SIT DOWN!
• Lesson 3: Plant Slant - this is easy. As Michael Pollan advised: "Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants." Eating 4-6 servings of fruit and veg each day is a no brainer theoretically, but less simple to enact. It's a real decision to make each and every day - eat 2 servings per meal, use meat as a side/accent, love legumes.
• Lesson 4: Grapes of Life - a daily drink provides benefit, but the key here is consistency and moderation, says Buettner. A daily glass or two of wine, sake or whatever helps to keep heart disease - the biggest killer of men and women in America - low. But too much puts one at higher risk for other diseases. So have one or two a day, not 14 on Saturday night. Sigh. Days of yore coming back to haunt... But the bigger issue with the daily cocktail isn't just the alcohol itself, but the ritual of sharing that "happy hour" (or apéro) with friends and family.
• Lesson 5: Purpose Now - "why I wake up in the morning" is a key and crucial element of contendedness, healthfulness and happiness in those studied. The first recommendation is to craft a personal mission statement, and as you know how I'm such a proponent of understanding your own personal branding, this concept speaks to me loudly. Next is to find a partner you can share your purpose with, whether this comes in the form of a spouse, family member or friend. And finally, keep learning...because this keeps you sharp!
• Lesson 6: Downshift - this is as much to do with being social as it is about being alone. Finding your personal happy place where there is little congestion of tv, emails, and other blah blah clutter. As Buettner says, "Most electronic entertainment just feeds mind chatter and works counter to the notion of slowing down." Well said. He also underlines reducing stresses that you can control like being on time. And making room - phyiscally and otherwise - for meditation.
• Lesson 7: Belong - faith, community, tradition, ritual. Not much explanation needed there, I feel.
• Lesson 8: Loved Ones First - coming from a divorced girl with no kids and a small immediate family, it may sound weird. But I understand the notion of putting family first, maybe because it hasn't always been a strong suit of mine. But this lesson also talks about living in smaller, more connected homes and respecting our ancestors, which I absolutely love. My favorite part of this lesson, and one that I have fought hard to create in my own life, is that of creating rituals. In my family, we didn't always fuss about with holidays or celebrations. If Thanksgiving happened on another day, so be it. As an adult, I've practically arm wrestled my mom into pulling people together for Easter (we're not really Catholic), Thanksgiving (despite the fact that a turkey is a hell of a lot of work) and all manner of other events, mostly because I just love bringing everyone to a single place, enjoying each others' company and indulging in our food and wine habits together. Thankfully my boyfriend also shares this intention and we've tried to establish a regular "sashimi and sake night" ritual that we can always go back to. Lovely.
• Lesson 9: Right Tribe - this is simple. Surround yourself with the people who know, understand and exhibit your own personal values. Be positive, attract likewise. And be diligent about allowing time with this "inner circle" of people.

Simple. Straightforward. Sensible. Get the book and read it. Better yet, live it!

happy green day!

I found an Irish proverb that roughly translates to "Your feet will bring you to where your heart is." I like that, it speaks to me. Sort of lines up with my thinking these days: first, you are where you are, no sense fretting about it. Second, you are completely in control of the choices that take you forward - towards happiness, health, prosperity, whatever. Likewise, you're also in control of the choices that take you towards discontent - in whatever form it manifests itself. It's a frustrating truth. But it's one of which I repeatedly remind myself. Giving away my happiness to someone or something outside of my own little locus of control has never worked well for me. I try very hard to set my heart on a path of positivity, gratitude and well being even when my situation and surroundings may be conspiring to dirty my rose colored glasses. Particularly, especially, specifically when things around me aren't what I'd consider optimal.

The next step is to will my feet into action - taking those steps down the path to where my heart is. Certainly this is a more difficult task if the first portion of the exercise isn't successful. For me, this is a constant struggle but also a choice that I make each day when I get up. Does that mean I'm happy and upbeat each day? Emphatic no. I flounder around, unsettled and unaware for days sometimes. But setting these intentions in front of me reminds me of my goals and gives me yet another opportunity to choose a path towards my own version of happiness.

Your path is paved with your own goals, intentions, dreams. What are they? Are your actions today leading you closer or further away from your heart? What kinds of reminders or signposts help keep you on the path and moving forward? From where do you seek inspiration? Strength? Guidance?

I have found these signposts in so many places, small and large. Sometimes it's enough for me to read an inspiring piece about a clutter free bathroom and my happy cleaning side kicks in. Or taking a walk and stretching my legs helps motivate me toward another walk, and a more sensible dinner that night. The effect is undoubtedly cumulative, as well. Once you start paying attention to and caring for one facet of your life, the snowball starts rolling. I love this part!

My path has a few milestones, sure. But taking away hard numbers or dates or destinations, I can see my path having some common themes. For me, they are:

• a revived attention to the well-being of myself and our planet
• physical activity and strength
• a peaceful, organized home
• simplicity in more areas of my life
• having enough money to be comfortable
• work that fuels my creativity and passions

I figure, focus on the big concepts and take the steps down to bite sized pieces. Otherwise it's all too overwhelming. Deep breath, take a step. Deep breath, one more step. Next thing you know, another signpost is in sight.

So on that note - Slainte! to all and enjoy the wearing o' the green today. Much to celebrate in our world!

series: personal branding, starting out

In the past week, I have been reminded several times of the importance of a personal brand - the individual, identifiable face we put out to the world - in our everyday lives. Things are changing all around us. Things are changing in our checking accounts, our retirement balances, how we make our living. Things changing that much would be enough to send the most secure, introspective person into bed for a week with the covers over her head. Crafting, or really documenting, our own statement about who we are and what we stand for can bring some real clarity. And the truth? It's already in each one of us. Even if it's hidden deep beneath all of those notions about "what I should do," "who I thought I would be," "what used to be passionate about before I simply ran out of time, " it is really, truly, positively already inside us. Sometimes we just need to help it out.

Many people are being sort of forced to self-evaluate due to job loss. I've SO been there over the years, and I know many people I know are in this mode now. To even start thinking about what do I want to do now? is incredibly overwhelming. My answer to so many of these fork-in-the-road life challenges is to research, read, ask people to share their experiences and ask people who do this kind of thing for a living. And I really tend to put a lot of faith and attention towards those who are outwardly living their values. When you meet them, you just know. It's almost electric just being around them or reading their words.

About 3 years ago, I went through my 2nd layoff. I took a year off and did a lot of navel gazing. I thought about the values and beliefs I had deep under the façade of my job, my title, my paycheck. When I could take that GIANT step back and gain some perspective, a few things really stood out for me. I knew - really knew this time - that getting back on the corporate roller coaster wasn't going to work. I constantly felt like a square peg in a round hole. Would you have been able to tell that about me at the time? No. I did my best to put my work face on and go in each day determined to do my best. Even if I wasn't doing what was best for me. I look back now at some of the work situations I allowed myself to get into and realize that I was doing the direct opposite of being authentic. I let others define the role I would play in my work life and, quite frankly, bought into the entire program. Led by false values – title, perceived status, money – I made career decisions that didn’t really fit who I was. And that took me off course. I set my own dreams and aspirations aside. Well, no more.

So how do you start figuring out your own authentic values, your personal mission statement, your brand? Here’s what I’d recommend:

• Do your own self-inventory and exploration. Get a great journal and a nice pen that feels good in your hand. Be consistent about using them both; you’ll have to set aside time to really do this.
• Get inspired. Read books and magazines like the ones listed below. Watch motivational movies. Watch Oprah! Do whatever it takes to get your head into a positive, uplifted, and open place.
• Don’t try to cram it all in at once. If you get a book to work through or just wing it on your own (or even with my guidance), don’t muscle through it with the idea that you’re going to quickly resolve things. It just doesn’t work that way.
• Be patient with yourself. Not every day is a day of significant insight. Leave that pressure to the Nobel prize winners of the world.
• Start with gratitude. One of the first things that I recommend is to take that notebook and about 3 pages from the end, start a gratitude list. Write down 100 things you’re thankful for in your life. You probably won’t crank it all out in one sitting but make sure you do finish it.
• THEN, dig in to the exercises that will help you put a finer point on your personal brand. I'll be pulling together some of these and posting here if you're interested.

A few resources I love:
Oprah's website and magazine and tv show, of course. Lots of great content on living authentically, simply, honestly...in your truth. A definite idol for me.
PINK website and magazine. Good insights for working women...and what woman really isn't working?
Make a Name for Yourself: Eight Steps Every Woman Needs to Create a Personal Brand Strategy for Success
Finding Your Own North Star: Claiming the Life You Were Meant to Live - another wonderful idol
The E-Myth Revisited: Why Most Small Businesses Don't Work and What to Do About It - this one is wonderful if you've ever considered going out on your own, but I also found it to be a great resource for the "finding myself" process even when I worked for others.

moleskine madness

I inherited my mother's obsession with paper. Stationery, notebooks, journals, what have you. To this day, we both have bizarre - and extensive - collections of paper products. You'd think that neither of us would need to venture into a stationery store again for as long as both shall live. But, as I said, it's an obsession. Regardless of my love for technology, I nurture a life-long affair with things paper. I love the feel of all sort of paper - heavy weight card stock, filmy vellum, textured writing papers. I adore the tactile sense I get from just the right weight and finish of the paper in a really beautifully bound notebook. I even love the smell of paper. I can't get enough of the Paper Source, Paper Depot and even places like Anchor Paper. And I really can't have too many journals.

Journals or plain notebooks are the epitome of the unwritten story. A pure and pristine place to start. I know, more than anything else, that this is the concept that appeals to me so viscerally. It is the reason I keep buying more notebooks even when there are pages left to be written on in another tome. I feel like I need to stretch my creative muscles and try again. I need to begin anew.

I get this notion that I will use this notebook or that journal for THIS PARTICULAR PURPOSE. One will be for my consulting work. That one over there will be strictly for party planning. This one, I keep on the coffee table to jot down recipes I want to try from the Food Network. And then there's the one that I put my my bed to capture dreams, thoughts that occur to me. Lastly, there's the one I kept for many years - a Tiffany blue leather bound number with a snap closure that I called "the oracle." The concept of the oracle was simple: just write everything in one place. To heck with the idea of having different journals that are never in the right place at the right time. This also lessened the impact of the million and a half Post-It notes that were always strewn around my workspace...but that is another story for another entry. More than anything, that oracle became part of me, part of my own personal brand, if you will. It was faithfully at my side and ready to receive. I switched to a more conservative, more Washington-appropriate version in black but it doesn't really move me the same way. It feels too much like work.

In the end, I simply can't hold the obsessive nature of my notebook lust at bay. And good thing too. Otherwise I'd miss some pretty amazing products out there. Last few years, I've been spending a lot of time in Moleskine journals. Plain kraft paper ones, stiff backed black ones, and now pretty pink, lime green and more. I just bought this lovely red one from Barnes & Noble as a place to capture my blogging ideas.

I go for the simple ruled notebooks but there are also blank pages, pages with grids, and even sketch-weight pages. A little something for everyone; there's just something accessible and lovely about them. Made in Italy - where they know paper - these notebooks are classic. They were first made in France and used by the likes of Hemingway, Van Gogh. After a brief hiatus, a Milanese publisher revived the brand and the gorgeous product. Thank goodness.

I give them away as gifts for others to capture all of their creative thoughts and ideas. Especially the people that have heads so full of thoughts that they can't see a way forward. I feel like maybe, just maybe, the perfect journal will pull those ideas out in a way that can be carefully shaped and gently coaxed into that person's next big thing.

If only to make room to start again new the next time.

series: personal branding

When going through the process of establishing oneself as a consultant, much attention is paid to the concepts of "who are you" and "what do you offer the world." Now that may seem rather esoteric and floofy, but ironically it's the concept of finding my own personal brand that has really helped me cement my thinking about my life.

Through the years, everyone encounters moments of redefinition. Sometimes triggered by a life event, sometimes instigated by the natural rhythms of growing and maturing as a person. But I think many of us have sort of put our heads down and moved through life without a lot of this kind of introspection. It feels more natural to tie our identities to a learned goal - a job, a degree, what our parents wanted for us - instead of integrating our identities and our aspirations. For example, we may strive for corporate successes such as promotion and recognition - but we don't always take a good hard look at how that aligns with our personal passions and values. I keenly remember days in my former corporate life when I sat back and thought to myself, "What on earth am I doing? Do I really care if another [insert product here] makes it to the store? Will this actually impact someone's life and make a real difference?" The irony here, of course, is that I am the consummate consumer and I love the idea of bringing products and services to market! And at the time, I didn't give myself the room to sit back and think about what I'd prefer to do, and how I'd prefer to do it. I just chased the next paygrade and put 110% of myself into jobs that probably didn't register 20% passion.

And the not-so-surprising thing? A LOT of people are talking about this kind of stuff today. The economy has a hangover. The markets are tired. The heartbeat of American consumerism is thready. While we're all looking intently at our pocketbooks and retirement accounts, we're also looking deep within ourselves. Maybe that mortgage or credit card balance isn't really aligned with how we want to live our lives. Perhaps the investment we've made into the career isn't showing the long-term payoff that we thought it might. As companies are faced with "evolve or die" in their business practices, offerings, ways to reach customers, etc., so too are we thinking about our own evolution. We need to figure out how to live right again. Live rich.

I'm starting a couple of series in this blog, the first one about personal branding. What on earth is it? What does it mean? How do we work it into our lives? My expertise comes from a lot of study and reading on the subject (which is far from new), and my own personal journey. I am witnessing a lot of my friends working with this subject matter. So the point is to share what I've learned and how it's become part of my more-authentic life these days. Stay tuned for more.