wheee! i can't help you!

"I can't help you"...one of the most freeing statements in the English language! And yet, one of the hardest to say.

I've realized lately that part of the reason I encourage entrepreneurs (and other individuals) to go through the personal branding discovery process is because I know the inherent value that comes along with it. I know it intimately because I tried to operate outside of my true, authentic self for many years and wound up a frustrated, directionless character filled with self-doubt. I was on a path alright, but it simply wasn't mine.

For me, dealing honestly with my true passions, strengths and what I have to offer to the world meant that I had to also honestly deal with what/who I am not. This took time - many hours of reading, therapy and plain ol' living my life. I didn't wake up one day with a fully formed idea of what it meant to be me. And quite frankly, I'm guessing this evolution will continue. I hope it will.

Hello, my name is Tracy and I'm a fixer. I fix broken relationships, workstreams and attitudes! I solve problems! I find solutions! I'm innovative, kind and engaging! I'm tenacious and strong! All of these traits that make me an ideal consultant - someone that people regularly seek out for advice and direction - also made me fundamentally unable to say no. When presented with a challenge, I ran into it as if I were saving it from a house fire. In my pre-consulting professional life, I wasn't sure how it happened but I was the one that leadership turned to when there was a problem. When someone needed to put a finger in the dam, or needed to create a business structure where there was none. No mountain was too high! And I never said no. I developed myself into a frenetic, multi-tasking utility player. Saying yes and plowing headlong into a challenge became my calling card: how I valued myself and how I identified myself. Without a nightmarish business challenge on my hands, who was I?

Sure, we could spend quite a bit of time reviewing my childhood and seeing where much of this started but the fact was, I never truly saw the big picture until massive change happened. Jobs disappeared. The economy tanked. Relationships failed. Once all those titles and paygrades and roles evaporated, I had to address who I really was. Who I really AM.

And then? What a relief. I finally realized I didn't need to - or want to - solve every problem all the time. By focusing on who I am and what I really value, I quickly saw how I could bring the best me to my clients, my relationships, my world. It isn't by tackling every insurmountable issue out there. It's about defining the sandbox I play in and realizing when others need help I can't provide. This is what I do. This is what I don't do. It's simplicity is maddening. I help my clients see that drawing a few boundaries around who they are and what they do doesn't mean stifling innovation or being less open to opportunities. In fact, it gives them even more room to grow. And somewhere in that process, I taught myself the lesson as well.

Now I really do feel freer. I am more focused on the areas of my practice where I really excel. And I help my clients call on someone else when I have to say, "I can't help you." It's scary because I'm leaving business on the table. But in the end, I think it's better for everyone involved. We're all taking responsibility for who we are and acknowledging when we need assistance that's outside of our normal comfort zone. The interaction becomes richer and deeper. And I know that I've done my very best. Which, I suppose, is what we all truly crave.

So just know...if I say "I can't help you," it's out of respect. For both of us. I want your success, maybe even more than my own. And I will doggedly help you achieve it. And because of that, sometimes I just may have to say no. Isn't that fantastic?

the trouble with self-marketing

It seems that regardless of why I connect with a client, our conversations all start in the same place: who are you, what do you stand for, what makes you unique, how do you describe yourself and how do others describe you? If you've hired me, it's likely because you want help marketing yourself or your business. And when you hire me, I'll probably push you right into some uncomfortable territory about why you and/or your business are different. Why you are special. What you bring to the table that no one else can. Because at the end of the day, being able to market yourself is the key to making your business a success. Yet it's the one thing that seems to hold great business people back. You're well-versed in why the business is great, but less comfortable talking about why you're so darned fantastic.

(There's a massive aside here about why I think every college student should be required to have more than just a basic understanding of business and marketing before they graduate. I also think they should get a lesson or three on personal branding and appropriate corporate behavior, though I came to that a little later in my career. But I'll digress at another time.)

With my clients, I get them to dig in. Ask some pointed questions - of themselves and of those around them. The idea is to pull out the words, phrases, sentiments, feedback and criticisms that have helped to form the external perception of who they are, but also the internal perception as well. And you can guess which one is more important.

I willingly admit to being a fan of the TV show "Biggest Loser." I can't help it. There's something very inspiring and real about how these folks overcome everything from complex medical conditions to defeating self-talk to break through the barriers (perceived and otherwise) to good health. You can literally see it when the lightbulb comes on. When they stop talking or acting out of responsibility to something "other" and start engaging deeply with themselves, for themselves. Without exception. But it all comes from understanding who they are and what messages they're sending themselves about who they are...two wildy different things.

In consulting, I'm trying to uncover not only the features & benefits of your business or your product or service, I'm trying to identify the areas where you may end up holding yourself back, despite your commitment to success. There's a little psychology here, but I know that in the end, you have to be able to market yourself in any situation. If you don't believe the key messages that I help you create, you're not going to succeed in delivering the value promised within. So we start with the big chunks of personal branding.

For instance: if you're a consultant just starting out, why should someone hire you? (Hint: it's not because of the technical skills you bring to the table. Who cares? There are lots of great technicians out there. What else?) If you're a mom trying to get back into the job market, what makes you a compelling employee? What do people say about you, and what do you want people to say about you? And most importantly, do we have alignment?

One of the more interesting things I've seen lately is that not only is there NOT alignment, there is a little bit of loss. The personality that tumbled forth naturally when you were in high school & college - once hit with the realities of the work world/adulthood/parenthood - started absorbing different attributes. For one of my clients, the risk-taking goofball who'd likely be found splashing in the corporate lobby fountain now comes off as reserved, deliberate and straight-laced after many successful years in the insurance industry. Some might say that this is a good thing - experience, maturity and growth are all positive. But have you left something of yourself behind in the process? My client was surprised - that shift had all happened over years, but went virtually unnoticed. How could that be?!

I think most of us feel that we have, in fact, lost something along the way. And there are a million reasons why that might happen. We followed a certain path until we didn't. We took care of others' needs ahead of our own. Whatever the reason, taking the step back and thinking about self-marketing comes like a shock to the system. What?! Focus on myself? Toot my own horn? Act as if I'm better than someone else? Hmm...well, if I did that, what would I want to say?

It's easy to see why this is uncomfortable ground. And why it's so important. Keep in mind that you don't have to do this alone. There are a plethora of great books out there about personal branding, marketing, life strategies and empowering yourself. And there are lots of enviable examples. My advice to you is to not walk this path alone. You're too close to this to be objective, critical, or more importantly, encouraging. Find a mentor, hire a coach, take a class - use an expert so you don't wallow in the weeds. I promise you, once you start understanding your skills & talents from an objective point of view, you'll get as excited as I do. You'll see your potential and start dreaming bigger about where you could go next. Who knows, you may even jump into a fountain.

strategic life planning? lifestyle blueprint? personal branding? ...shoot me now?

I'm stumbling around in verbiage these days. Up to my knees and tripping through all of this overused linguistic blah-blah-blah. So called trendy terminology that only seems to make people feel more out of the loop than in it. And I'm finding myself paralyzed instead of inspired. My personal triggers these days are words like "life coach," "personal branding," "hurried woman syndrome," and when I see them I am overcome by the urge to crawl into my bathtub with a box of wine and the 5th volume of Harry Potter, never to emerge again.

I'm coming around to one of those big "life defining statements," I believe. I'm trying to unearth my true self, give her room to really breathe and grow, and challenge her to become more than she ever thought possible. Or maybe, I'm trying to get me out of her way so that she can be as big and forceful as she's always known she could be. Waaaay down deep. But part of me being in my way is that I need those damned words and concepts to help outline what it is that I want to make my living at.

As I've said before, I'm more of a lifestyle person vs. a work/life balance seeker. Instead of trying to measure myself by how many hours per week I work and how much time I allow for myself and for my family & friends (and then become increasingly bitter and overwhelmed by the whole equation), I'm approaching things from a slightly different perspective these days. I don't want work/life balance, particularly not in that order! In fact, I think it's a truly unattainable concept which serves mostly to frustrate and deaden our sense of true fulfillment. Who came up with this ideal anyway? It's based (in my opinion) in a very dangerous weighing of work on one side of the scale with everything personal on the other. Yes, we have to earn a living. And yes, we have to care for the people, spaces, pets, plants, and communities to whom we are responsible. But who gets to define what "balance" looks like?

It would be easy to dismiss my perspective. Sure, I've done the 70 and 80 hour work weeks, but I've never done them with kids at home, more than one mortgage or a life-threatening illness. But I did hop on the habitrail and wore the corporate dunce cap so snugly around my head that I destroyed my marriage instead of growing it. I made a lot of money, I made a lot of truly exceptional friends. I've been hired and fired and laid off. I dabbled in small businesses and large corporations. I don't mind saying that I've been forged by fire and I know what it's like out there - both by the unique and personal experiences of those dear to me, but also by the trial and error that is my life. I'm not saying I have all of the answers because if I did, I'd have picked the winning Powerball numbers long ago and punched out of this rat race. But I have my battle scars too. I like them. I earned them.

My argument is that the very acceptable pressures in our Americanized lives - personal ambition, family pressures to have this career, the simple choice of our college majors - all serve to define our boundaries instead of open our eyes. My approach these days is to remove all of these barriers - perceived, self-imposed, guilt-ridden - and let our creative selves out to be innovative and thoughtful and free! But we sometimes need the words to help us clarify and tell our stories. And then we get into trouble by trying to weigh one of those words or phrases against another. How much does "mommy" weigh? What about "Vice President?" Or how about simpler things like friend, sister, daughter, mentor, inspiration, energizer - because we need to be these things too sometimes. And we likely won't be getting paid for it.

But all of these words, they're killing me. So what do you call this process? Is it blueprinting your life? Charting a course? Creating a strategic life plan (much as I would create a strategic business or marketing plan)? And if I help someone else do it, what does that make me? If I tread near the "life coach" waters, am I only credible if I have a certification from some trade organization in order to call myself coach? I don't want to be a therapist; there are too many good ones out there that do amazing work. What on earth do I call myself?

I want to be a map maker, I guess. I want to help you start to put some focus on your journey, identify a few potential destinations, brainstorm a couple of possible routes, list the necessary equipment to navigate, and pick out some worthy travel partners, and provide a backstop upon which you can bounce crazy sightseeing adventures.

That's why my business is called Segnavia Creative; in Italian segna means sign, segnare means to mark or indicate. Via means road. "Finding your way forward" is my mission, both for individuals and the businesses I serve. Now, if I can just figure out what to call this voodoo that I want to doo...